put a twenty dollar gold piece on my watch chain

“In America, I would say New York and New Orleans are the two most interesting food towns. In New Orleans, they don’t have a bad deli. There’s no mediocrity accepted.” — Mario Batali

No. 16 Lance Moore scores the final TOUCHDOWN of the SAINTS game against the steelers. final score: 20-10. WHO DAT

We did it, Y’ALL! We beat no. 1 ranked Pittsburgh Steelers. I can’t call it a comeback yet because we need some consistency, but last night’s game in the superdome was a BIG WIN for us. A BIG WIN!

In other news, my youngest sister/manager (she was interviewed in this post) came in town this week to do some much needed college touring and interviewing. So, I played personal chauffeur to her needs this weekend. Every single need this girl had I had to obey. She would say I didn’t really do that. By the end of the visit she was for sure sick of me, and at one point even had the AUDACITY to kick me out of my own living room because I was “annoying her.” OUCH! She eventually forgave me, and allowed me to re-enter my own abode, but it was tense for an hour.

Surely, y'all remember my manager. She is a lil dumpling, she is!

The great thing about my little sister is her sense of humor. She has a way with words and a way with insults. On of our family trip to London Town. She told me, “Your face is my bidet” (for Americans who may not know what that is: it’s a plumbing device to wash one’s ass with after they dropped the kids off at the pool (aka poop)).

This trip was no disappointment. We walked into our hotel room in Orange, CA.

Me: Wow, I thought this HOTEL FRANCHISE was fancier.

Sister: What do you expect for $13.00 a night?

Me: That was just for the parking.

She also told me that she raised me more than my own mother did. My sister is six years my junior.  I also realize these things may not be that funny for y’all because you don’t know her and maybe you don’t have a sense of humor. I get it!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. i’m glad to see you are regularly posting. I guess you’re sort of sick of hearing that, but take it as a compliment.  Have you seen this picture. I saw it and immediately thought of you. Immediately. — Pepe (from Paris, France)

Pic Included w/ Question: isn't this great?

Thanks, Pepe. I love my internal fans the second most. Y’all are great, and let me just say that your English is pretty good. Not anything to write home about, but pretty good. Now take that as a compliment. As for the pic it’s adorable! ADORABLE. Is it funny? No. Why did this make you think of me? Because of the primate connection. I’m not that easy to figure out. Nice try, frenchie. How about this pic for hilarity (must bring expectations down a bit).

You gave me cute I RAISE you absurd!

2. Happy ALL SAINTS DAY! The anniversary when the New Orleans Saints were formed! Great win last night couldn’t have come at a better time. – Dana (from Baton Rouge, LA)

Agreed. Not sure what else to say to that. I agree, soooooooooooooooo WHO DAT!
That’s all for now!

ACTING PLUG: By the way I’ll be on  CBS, The Doctors tomorrow. Check out your local listings to see me on TV. If you’re like but what’s you name? I think it’s going to be PRETTY obvious who I am. My segment has Mardi Gras floats and Jazz music playing. You’ll know me when you hear it.

Extraordinary histories, ordinary histories, ordinary histories

“Way down yonder in New Orleans/In the land of dreamy scenes/There’s a garden of Eden/You know what I mean.” — Louis Armstrong

So, yesterday my NEW ORLEANS SAINTS took a real unexpected beating from the cleveland browns (1-4, now 2-4). The browns were thirteen point underdogs. It was a very tough game to watch. We played with little to no urgency, and just real sloppy. I can’t blame defense who actually played very well. But the offense again was just really not on point (I guess “Super Bowl Hangover” is a real thing).

OKAY OKAY OKAY. What the hell. GUYS, I have an amazing video to show you. It’s sooooo weird (and blessedly short). It features my beloved CHIMP + DOG loves in one place with moving picture and sound. This very strange, and so with no further ado I give you:

I  know… weird, right? Epically strange yet you smiled, right? A real genuine, I GET IT SMILE. Right? Then you immediately regretted smiling because that chimp is an ass hole.  I’m not going to tell you all the weird reasons why I had that video in my knowledge bank (aka brain). That’s highly classified information, but it was there, and it was AWESOME.

What else do I have to share with y’all? I’m tired. Can’t  you tell by how lazily this post has been written? If I’m going to try to write in her at least twice a week then you have to give me a break. WHAT? MY POSTS WEREN’T THAT GREAT TO BEGIN WITH? Wow, okay! I try, guys. I can’t poop gems every time I sit in front of my computer (that’s okay, I don’t think ANYONE wants that for you or those sitting around you and your computer). Also to be fair to everyone involved with this. I don’t think you want me writing long ass posts every time either. Who has the time to read them much less write these, babies? That’s what I thought.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"I HEART St. Louis Cathedral (One of a Kind Painting)"

This painting is an homage to one of the most famous landmarks in NEW ORLEANS, LA. St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter. My parents were married in this here landmark back in January 1985. It’s pretty, right? The actual cathedral, not my painting. Y’all, I’m not that vain.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. You never talk about the acting thing on here anymore? remember that long boring auditioning post you made almost a year ago? cause i do. that thing was whack! – willy (from Zeppelin, SD).

You know what’s whack? South Dakota, BOOOYYYYAAAAHHHHH. You walked right into that one, Willy. Sorry. I’m still doing the acting thing, but mostly through my various improv endeavors. I’m still currently studying the Harold (a long-form version of improv that is sucking all my brain juices).  I am also performing in a show with some people in North Hollywood on November 2nd. Doing the audition thing and what not. I’ll keep y’all posted when I become famous of course the irony being is that I’ll be too famous for this blog. I’ll be WAY TOO BIG. Oh, the little people, I’ll always forget you (hahahahhahahahahhaha).

2. I’m a big dog lover! And I love that you are, too. Tell me what is your favorite breed? Mine are Poodles. – Lavender (from Frankford, CT)

YAY I love that some of my readers love dogs just as much as I do. That is a difficult question. Maybe one of the most difficult questions a normal-every day-regular person can be asked. But I’ll get it a whirl. Just because to make this easy for everyone (and really just myself). I’ll say golden retrievers are my favorite breed. But I love most dogs and I love muts a lot, too. But since I was a kid I always wanted a golden retriever. Then in my junior year of high school my parents got me on for my Christmas present (every five year old’s favorite xmas gift). Her name is Kara, and she still lives with my family in New Orleans with three other canine pals including her boyfriend, Buckley.

Here Kara is with her boyfriend, Buckley (the large white doggy) and her bestfriend and sister, Heidi (the little schnoodle in the background)

3. What are you doing for Halloween? – Nelly (from Jacksonville, FL)

I am watching the SAINTS hopefully pummel the pittsburgh steelers on my television set with my youngest sister (aka the manager) when she visits me in Los Angeles this coming weekend. I know you’re mad jealous of my Halloween plans. Guess what they can be yours, too (if you own a television or the desire).

That’s all for today, y’all. Keep it up! WHO DAT!

Receptionist is like… WOAH or like sittin’ at a desk answering a random call and signing for packages (jealous, world?)

Good Afternoon, my little chicklets! How I have missed you? It’s been awhile since a real post from me. I’ve just been busy (and not just on Farmville (I am on level 18 haha oh how lame)). I’ve been painting, drawing, going on auditions, performed at the UCB and working. And of course reading and watching everything I can about my boys, THE SAINTS (8-0, baby).

So, what am I doing toady? I am working as a receptionist for a film company best known for sparkling vampires (only clue y’all will get). Just at I type this bit of fun I overhear German Business Men speaking in German (surprise!). What are they saying? Who knows… I’m sure something German-y & Business-y. Other than that I just answer phone calls, receive packages, and call people to them their “noon is here.” It’s so exciting! Right? Right? ugh.

This is what I wish I was doing instead:

This is what I dream of doing as I sit at my lonely desk answering phone calls I could care a less about... oh to be a chimp!

But alas, I am here sitting at this desk writing to you, my loyal readers about the drudgery (word or not?) of sitting under flourescent lighting and sparkling vampires (since the trailer is on 24/7 in the lobby- sooo much longing). Really nothing interesting to report apparently there was an ambulance and cop cars downstairs earlier, someone had to come out in a stretcher. There are no windows around me, so I didn’t see this happen, but I was told by a delivery man. BREAKING NEWS, people, or breaking news for that person on the stretcher.

So, this trailer being on repeat… I have no idea what the movie is about. Whenever I look up to watch for a moment it’s a totally different scene then the one I’ve seen before. A lot going on in this one film (so many elements: wind, water, fire… the fourth element). And a girl in a scarf (that’s the scene I keep seeing by chance). Oh, and there is a lot of running. I wonder how much dialogue there actually will be with all that running. Except for the obvious “Why are you running?”, “Hurry Up!” , “Keep Running!”. “Why are we running?” , “There is a werewolf- RUN” and “Why am I running, when I can fly?” <— this is what I think about when I sit at reception.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. That orangutan looks a lot like what I picture your father to be like. Kinda hairy and always with a dog? Please elaborate on the weirdness of your paternal canine-watcher. – Elle (Berkeley, CA) or could be from OW (New Orleans, LA)

Yes, my father looks like that picture of an orangutan with a leashed dog: remember it’s here. Which is why I chose that picture because it reminded me a lot of my father, which I believe was the point. My father loves his three daughters, but he loves his four dogs perhaps a bit more. He considers his four canine pals to be his children as well as his companions while he stays at home all day painting and answering the doorbell for UPS (my mother receives many packages). His favorite dog would probably be the schnoodle, Heidi (ten pounds of delight) who makes him carry her everywhere. Though he loves his new son (and only son) very much, Buckley, the german shepard-mix we rescued from El Paso, TX back in August. He loves those dogs as much as he’ll hate this answer.

2. luv the blog, but hate the DMV- how did it go? - Chuck (from Baltimore, MD)

Hi Chuck, thank you and I hate the DMV, too. I know I said in my last blog I was going, but I ended up having to post-pone that trip to later this month. I am going to the DMV to get a California license as well as needing to register my car in California (to get Cali license  plates). Wish me luck, please!

3. You do improv? what type? long form or short? any stand up? a comedy fan. keep up the good work. – Jasper (Louisville, KY

Thanks, Jasper. I just completed my first level class of improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade and look forward for 201 level in January. I prefer watching and performing long form, but I think short form is a great way to warm up, and can be a lot of fun. I don’t do stand up currently, but as soon as I gets the balls to do it I figure why not try it out. Thank you. How is the comedy scene in Louisville?

going on auditions…

Welcome, World. What’s good? You look fierce!

Let’s get right down to business today. I’m a working Actor in Los Angeles (but what does it mean?). It means I go on auditions when I’m not working or when they’ll have me. I’ve only been on THREE auditions since I’ve been here, but to be fair those have been the ones I’ve been available to go on. Also to be fair (because I’m in such a fair mood) I act real picky about where auditions are being held. If I see breakdowns for USC student film auditions I do not even submit myself for said parts (because of distance… this is horrible logic on my part).

So, let’s talk about the auditions I’ve been on…

1ST: The first audition was SPEC commercial for VISA. I had to play the Statue of Liberty trying to convince a family to come to NY (versus going to another place for vacation). i had to improve a RANT about why New York City is the best. I developed a crazy New York Jewish Auntie accent and did the best I could under the situation (which included me wearing a tiara and holding a light saber (that was supposed to be the light the statue of liberty holds). For my first LA auditions I was my most nervous as well as my post prepared. I would soon find with the next two auditions I was no longer nervous, but i also was no longer early or prepared either. I started slacking before I even tried.

[p.s. spec commercial is one that is pitched to the company (here it's VISA) and if they select it then it will go to air and the actors and everyone will paid. if it's not chosen you basically have something to put on your reel/experience]

2ND: Next audition was for the ROLE of KIM on the TLC show, “I didn’t know I was Pregnant” where I would be playing the person who does the reenactments as the person who actually went through the ordeal retells their story as I (the reenactments would include me clutching my stomach in pain and doing some improvisation of denial with a doctor about how there is no way I could be pregnant). Yeah, so this is a fantastic gig ($400 to grimace at the camera, where do i sign up?).

I get to where I THINK the audition is like twenty-five minutes early, and I’m super proud of myself, too. Anytime you’re too proud of yourself know that a big cream pie is about to literally hit your face within a five minute period. Just know that much about life. I’m chilling in my car going over the sides provided (sides = lines). I decide to go sit in the lobby. I get out and quickly realize the address I’m looking for doesn’t exist. I had written down that the house was “Brown with green trimming” well there is a house that is “Green with brown trimming,” so maybe I just made a mistake when I was writing down the details. This house looks real house-y, too not at all like a casting agency, but a lot of casting agencies are houses, so who am I to judge?

Now, if you’re not certain if a house that looks house-y is in fact someone’s private residence or a place of business maybe you’d knock, or ring the doorbell. But do I do that? No! Of course not because I want a big cream pie in the FACE. I instead go to see if the doorknob will turn (because if it’s a business the door will be unlocked?), and sure enough the door is unlocked THUS A BUSINESS! Right? Wrong! I walk inside hesitantly with resume/head shot in hand.

First of all, this house is gorgeous! There is a great natural light, and an atrium where four very attractive people are eating what looks to be a delicious lunch. So, this is the weirdest casting agency ever (if it is one). This dude gets up from the table, and comes over to me, and is like, “Hello! Welcome, please please come in… sorry this is unprofessional of us we’re just finishing up our lunch. Please take a seat, and I’ll get my sister!” A brother and sister casting director set, cool!

His sister comes in and gives me a hug, and says, “Welcome, welcome! Let me give you a tour of the house!” (points to a corner of art, “We use the living room as a show room as much as a living room.” and it takes me to this point that I realize in my idiocy that I’m in the complete wrong place! I say, “excuse me, ummm this isn’t a casting agency?” Brother & Sister, stop and look at each other with a smile on their faces, “NOOOOO! Ohhh No… it’s not, it’s not!” and they laugh, and I’m bright red. i quickly put my head shot/resume behind me as if nothing ever happened. they offer to look up the correct address for me on their computer, which is beyond nice. whereas before I was twenty-five minutes early I’m about to be five minutes late.

Luckily for me the actual location of the audition was close by, and I got there right in the nick of time! Did I get the part, no. Do I have a fabulous story, yes! And that’s how you stay POSITIVE as a working actor in LA.

3RD: The third audition was yesterday and it was another SPEC but this time for Doritos. There isn’t much to say about it other than the fact I had to make orgasmic sounds with another woman for the two MALE CASTING DIRECTORS who just laughed the whole time. It was awkward and couldn’t have felt more degrading.

DIE-HARD FANS QUESTION PORTION/TIME/FUN:

Now for everyone’s favorite part of my daily (lol as if) blog entries.

1. kaTNawlins, you got this handled! i just have a quick question… what do you recommend for a back ache, a cold or warm wash cloth? txs. – Jordan (from Portland, MN)

Jordan, thank you for the compliment. That’s an easy question for me. I would recommend a warm wash cloth. I hate back aches.

2. thanks for the cool blog. are you psyched for the new season of 30 Rock tonight? who is ur fav character? – Lenny (from Fort Worth, TX)

Thanks, Lenny. I am indeed super psyched for the new season of 30 Rock. It’s a terrific show (had a couple of weak episodes last year, but a weak episode of 30 Rock is still highly enjoyable). Awww my favorite character? That’s difficult. Let’s go with Tracy (he’s the most quotable for me).

3. HEY KATNAWLINS, YOU ALRIGHT, YOU ALRIGHT! TELL ME A/B SUMTHING I WAS WONDERIN’ A/B. WUT DO U THINK A/B 2012 R WE ALL GOIN DIE? – SIMON (from London, England)

First of all, I LOVE that I have a fan in LONDON. Very cool. I think 2012 is the most ridiculous thing ever. Nostradamus has only been right about things we say he’s right about. The stuff he said was vague, like “For Score, and Some Time From Now the sky will open up and water will come pouring down and create humidity so heavy will cause a horse and buggy collision” <– the man was behind the times. Oh, you ask about the Mayans… I respect them and shit, but come on they didn’t foresee their own demise (which came way before 2012) yet they were able to predict everyone else’s but their own. Come On!

Well, that’s all for now! Hope you like the blog so far… also if you’ve got a question for me just ask away and I’ll do my best to answer it.

Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (ucb) tonight

Welcome Back to Katnawlin’s Blog! Miss me?

Tonight I went to see a show at LA’s UCB. I am currently taking improv classes with them right now, so part of the class to go to at least TWO UCB shows before the semester is up! So far I’m loving my class. It is the fastest three hours of my week.

So, what show did I see tonight? I saw FACEBOOK!

“Each week 2 audience members are randomly plucked from the audience to get their FACEBOOK page examined and then turned into long form improvised comedy scenes based entirely on their profile, pictures, comments and status.”

I went last week with my friend Lauren, and we had a blast, so we’re going again.

DIE-HARD FANS QUESTION PORTION/TIME/FUN:

So, I will try to end every post of my blog by answering die-hard fans questions. If I don’t live up to this promise please do this to me. or kindly email me.

1. Dear Katnawlins, I think you’ve got what it takes to run this blog world correct. So on that note, I don’t recall reading whether or not you like dogs… or are you a cat person? If you’re a cat person I’ll still read your blog on the daily, but I won’t be a die-hard fan! Thanks. – Lucas (from Springville, TX)

Lucas, thank you for your kinds words/threats. No fear, you may remain a loyal and die-hard fan of my blog for I am very much  a DOG PERSON. At home with my parents I have four dogs. I wish i could have one here in my new home in Los Angeles, but it doesn’t seem to be.

2. whaaaaazzzz upppppppp? i heart the blog sooooo mucccch! kEEP it up! go you, go you! go you, go you! – Harrison (from Denver, CO)

Thanks Harrison! you keep it going, too. always keep it going.

3. Yo, you a writer, girl? whatcha write? – Mikey (from Tuscon, AZ)

I am a writer, Mikey. Thanks for asking. I write plays, screenplays, tv shows, and rambles… oh and this blog, derh to derh.

That’s it for tonight, y’all! Thanks for reading the first (and most likely last) day of my blog! Couldn’t do it without you (and i could, but what would be the point).

PEACE, katnawlins