We’ve Been Here Before

Yo, Yo, Ho, Ho… I can’t figure what spirit I’m in. Holiday? Or what. I’m in very good spirits about the SAINTS obviously (12-0, almost barely, but some vooodoo and luck can’t hurt when you are a SAINT).

As always let’s get the self-promotion out of the way first. I drew/painted a new piece called, “WHO DAT SHOTGUN” in honor of my  love and pride for THE SAINTS. It’s 18″x24″ so by far my largest piece on sale. Check it out here:

My new piece you can find at, Katnawlin's Shop on Etsy

oh this is my favorite part of the piece:

Now let’s get to the juicy stuff. I like having a blog obviously, but it is limiting. I can’t talk about everything I would like to (Hi, Dad!) because internet. The very thing that allows me to have a blog restricts my ability to blog. I’m not talking about the ability to even connect to the internet, but rather there are just of lot of people I would like to talk about, and it would be very easy for them to find where I have told an embarrassing story about them. To be far the story would humiliate me as much as the other guilty/innocent party(ies). This is just a cold hard fact about the new age, which is why since the summer I have been writing my faux-memoir (because who at 23 should have a memoir unless you were boy solider or a drug mule at six, and I was only quarter of those things).

What are you talking about, Katnawlins?? Very good point italicized random questioner. I’m just saying I have so many tales of trobs for you that you wouldn’t believe, and I’m sure you would be shocked and horrified by, but in order to mostly protect the guilty I’ll refrain from sharing such tales. So, nothing juicy to share with you kind readers as I would love to.

I can share this video/song with you. It’s by Lily Allen, and it’s called “Not Fair,” and I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. It can say more about my life than I can. Ultimately, this song is not just about her partner’s inability to satisfy her sexually as much as his reluctance to. At first he seems like “Mr. Perfect”:hence the lines:

Oh he treats me with respect

He says he loves me all the time
He calls me 15 times a day
He likes to make sure that I’m fine

He seems perfect and you find out he doesn’t “make her scream” in bed.  Many women can relate (men, too), but what I find the most relevant is the act he’s putting on, which is why in the song she sings, “It’s not fair/ And I think you’re really mean/ Oh you’re supposed to care/ But you never make me scream.” He’s only nice to her because he wants to sleep with her, and not interested enough in making sure she is enjoying herself.

Okay.. not to leave this blog entry on such a sour note. Watch my friend, Michael‘s amazing dance troupe recent show, Elemental on youtube.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Sooooo your boys [the saints] had a crazy, crazy game on sunday. weirdest game i’ve seen in some time. between the interception-interception play among brees, moore (redskin) and meachem (saint) to suisham missing that beyond easy field goal that brought your boys new life. So, my question is what do you think happened more the redskins lost or the saints won?  – George (from Salt Lake City, UT)

Hi George, you’re the first person from Utah to write in a question so exciting for me. Yeah, it was a very, very strange game and I’ll say we got more lucky than anything. Ultimately, I think the Red Skins dropped the ball so to speak. Jim Zorn should have gone for the 4th down, and trusted his offense could have made a touchdown (our D had been suffering all day, mad injuries). Instead, he picked the more conservative choice and went for the easy points with a field goal except as everyone knows the field goal was no good, and the rest is history. I’m going to go with a little bit of both because the Saints kept fighting all game, and they easily could have just said “you win some, you lose some,” and called it day, but they kept fighting, and that’s what champions do. WHO DAT!

2. You never did blog the next day about your thanksgiving. WHHHHYYY? – Colin (Redwoods, NJ)

You’re right I didn’t. Sorry. Next time I’ll try not to make promises like that. Ugh!

3. What do you think of Rihanna‘s new album? Any good songs? I’m okay with Russian Roulette. – Staci (from El Paso, TX)

Hi Staci, the album is okay. I like “Cold Case Love” a lot, but I think Justin Timberlake pens good songs for Rihanna (like “Rehab”).

You got questions for me leave them in the comments! Till later, boooos!

Flu of the Swine (and other reasons why this desk is empty)

Salut, mes cheries (that’s all of the french I’ll send your way, Kind World). I am sitting at a different desk than I was sitting at just this fair Monday. I’m at a different company and I’m in a different mess of germs that surrounds me.

What are you talking about, Katnawlins? “Mess of germs?” I hate it. I really do.

Today I am sitting desk for an assistant, who has been sick for the past couple of days with an illness. Is it swine flu? I don’t know, but everyone keeps telling me how sick this girl was/is. So, as I sit at her desk where she sneezed onto the keyboard, and wiped her nose with a pen (I don’t know if that happened, or if it’s possible). I wonder when will I get the flu of the swine?

 I always get sick. If my lungs even hear word of illness they begin to fill up with mucus and attitude. My head will ache and my nose will run. I get the chills from the just thought of someone sneezing on me. So, with this much paranoia. This much stress. What does my stupid ass do?

As I doodle, I pick up a pen off the desk (to umm doodle), and then the phone answers, so instead of putting the pen back down on said desk, I put the pen in my MOUTH! germ infested pen right in the sick maker! Readers, why am I soooo stupid, and so lazy? Is it so hard to place a simple pen back on a simple table?

In related news that makes me sick, Wednesday I went to the coffee shop close to my house to get some coffee before I went to the gym. I go to this coffee shop all the time (sometimes I even write this blog from within the walls of said shop). So, they know me pretty well over there. As the cashier finishes ringing up my coffee, a helper barista looks at me for a second, and says:

BaristaJr.: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure…

Barista Jr.: Is that your car with the Louisiana tags?

Me: Yeah.

Barista Jr.: Umm what do the umm Louisiana tags mean?

Me: You mean the bumper stickers?

Barista Jr.: No, the tags…

Me: You mean the liscence plate?

Barista Jr.: Yeah.. umm was that car in Hurricane Katrina?

Me: Uhhh.

(Oh I should say that I was supposed to have taken my receipt by this point and kept the line moving)

Barista Jr.: Yeah. did you drive here during Hurricane Katrina?

Me: Uhhh.. No.

Umm Barista Jr., don’t you think that if my car was in Hurricane Katrina that it might not have made it through? The city was 80% underwater. Just a thought, sir.

Also, I feel that’s it rude to ask someone you don’t know very well how they, their house, or car were affected by a natural disaster within moments of talking to them for the first time. It’s a lot of personal information for someone (i.e. me)  to reveal about themselves (myself) in a short period of time.  How will the conversation ever be normal after I say I lost all my worldly possessions except for some suitcases? There will be the inevitable awkwardness and the sorries (it’s not the other person’s fault except for asking me such a personal question within moments of talking to me).

Enough with that! So pray for me, readers. Pray for me long and hard because I best not get sick. I can’t and I won’t, and I need to stop putting foreign objects in mouth (that’s what she said…  I actually typed it, so that’s what she typed!)

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Dear Katnawlins, Will you be purchasing a ticket to Chris Brown’s comeback tour?. – Chris (Boston, MA)

Comeback from what?  Ohhh, yeah beating up his girlfriend, biting her and shit. Right, right. Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be making this comeback tour, but when he hits the next girlfriend I’ll be around for that, and for the next one and the next… well you get it. violence is cyclical.

2. Dear Kat Lady, how birds have sex? – The Zookeeper (from the Zoo, where else?)

Hi Zoo Lad, I guess I am confused why an expert such as yourself would be asking me the non-expert is avian fuckery how they do it. I’ll leave this one to the birds. But hint hint: male birds have two members, it’s science!

3. Dear Katnawlins, Re: M. Laveau with the Gris-Gris — I was always told growing up in NOLA that the gris-gris was a sort of voodoo curse (as in the old Saints song “Put the Gris-Gris on the Other Team”). Not being a voodoo practitioner – or having gone in one of those touristy voodoo shops or on the Midnight Graveyard Tour – myself, I don’t know for sure. Thoughts? – Transplanted Y’at (from Houston, TX)

Fantastic question and name! I’ve actually heard both before. I did some research, and used the definition I found in the blog post. I wish I could be of more help, but I’m pretty useless when it comes to knowing my shit. I love you, by the way!

Keep sending in those questions!

Alright, dears! That’s it for now. I’m about to have a fun and hectic weekend no doubt as should the rest of you. I don’t want to see any of this type of goings on:

ALL SAINTS DAY (aka the day after Halloween)

Happy All Saints Day, Y’all. Why is this such a special day?

In related, All Saints Day news:

Happy Birthday, New Orleans Saints. On Nov. 1, 1966 – All-Saints Day – the NFL awarded a franchise to Nola. They called the team the Saints.

Enough with the Saints talk since I promised Nidhi.

Happy Halloween, Chimp.. you're oh so clever you don't even know that gourd you're eating is decorative

So… last night was Halloween! YES! What did y’all dress up as? Please tell me in the comments, I’m dying to know (not literally also I don’t really care, c’mon it’s November 1st- we got 365 days till the next time I’ll really care what you’re dressed up as! but still need to know for archival purposes).

What did Katnawlin’s dress up as, you ask… I was Vida (Patrick Swayze) from the film To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar. My friends Kim and Sheri were Chi Chi (John Leguizamo) and Noxeema (Wesley Snipes). This is how we looked:

Fierce! Sorry for the quality of the photo taken on an iphone, but you get it! My dress looks straight up like a Mardi Gras Float, but in the best way possible!

And this is how the original drag queens looked:

Obviously We'll Never be as Fabulous, but We Did Try!

Los Angles is crazy during Halloween. The city was by far the most congested I’ve ever seen it. Halloween is apparently very big here especially where we were most of the night in West Hollywood.

Here’s a picture just to get an idea of how packed West Hollywood is for their Halloween Carnival:

WEHO Halloween Carnival. Everyone was Dressed to Impress

My friends and I had planned to go to multiple spots/ parties in the WeHo and Hollywood areas, but the people and car congestion was not cute at all. A typical 4 mile/10-15 minute drive took almost an hour and $50 (not each) cab later. So, we got out, and just started walking. The people watching was amazing of course. So, the night didn’t go as had expected, but all of us are new to Halloween in LA, and learned if we wanna do it right that we’ll have to start out a lot earlier than 9:00PM and we’ll have to realize that party hopping isn’t going to work. But it was still fun!

HAPPY ALL SAINTS DAY and HAPPY GET AN HOUR ON THE CLOCK DAY!

and now on to…

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Great post about Farmville. I share your addiction. How can I resist the brown cow that makes chocolate milk. It’s like my heart is going to explode from all the love of these cute little critters. So, how is your farm doing, and what level are you on? And oh, umm can we be neighbors? Thanks! – Roy (Dectaur, OK)

Thank you, Roy. I’m at level 11 (wow, just the other day I was at 8! I’m a loser). We can definitely be neighbors but you have to fan me on facebook first (here). Also I love the animals obviously on Farmville, but why no dogs? Don’t the sheep need to be herded? Just a thought.

2. Katnawlins, you’re advice is sometimes all over the place, but I figured what do I have to lose asking you for some? My family and I can’t stop fighting over what we should have as our main protein at Thanksgiving this year. The obvious and traditional protein would be a Turkey, but that’s so traditional and boring. What do you think we should make? – Duncan (from Rochester, NY)

Duncan, I understand, and that’s why my Southern Ass thinks you should get a TURDUCKEN.

“a dish consisting of a partially de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed with a small de-boned chicken. The thoracic cavity of the chicken and the rest of the gaps are stuffed, sometimes with a highly seasoned breadcrumb mixture or sausage meat, although some versions have a different stuffing for each bird.” – wikipedia

My family has this often for thanksgiving and even for Christmas usually with a crawfish stuffing (my favorite part, and this year I’m not eating meat, so the stuffing will have to do). I know you find my advice suspect, but this is actually legit and delicious advice. So, Yankee try this southern concoction!

That’s it for today! See y’all later. Oh and “Who dat? Who dat say they gonna beat dem Saints”

And when you’re growing down instead of growing up…

What’s up, World? Missed me? I’ve been too busy loving the all the nice press THE SAINTS are finally getting after they whooped the giants on Sunday. I just spend my days now reading everything I can about the Saints. I re-read things I’ve already read, which hurts my brain, but my heart loves it (this is what my heart looks like).

Enough about my boys, and on to more pressing matters. Recently, a friend asked me on Facebook for some advice. He wanted to know if he should move to Los Angeles or not. He already knows he loves New York City, and he has the opportunity to do a semester program this coming spring in Los Angeles, but doesn’t know if he should. So, he asked me to come up with a pros and cons list for Los Angeles.

I should say I used to be just like him. About a year ago one of my friends and I had a freak out about whether or not to attend the same program. We both loved NYC, and were going on about how much we’d hate LA (neither of us had been to LA). A very smart friend stopped the neurotic freak out, and said “Look at it this way it’s just an opportunity! That’s all it is.” She was right, and now I’m living in Los Angeles post-program. Where is my other freak out friend? Well, she’s in Dominican Republic… there’s a joke in there somewhere.

Anyway, I want to help my friend out. So, let’s (when I type let’s, I meant me) come up with a bona-fie PROS and CON list for LOS ANGELES that my friend and others struggling with this very same dilemma can use for future reference. This list will obviously be biased since it’s my PROS & CON list and not say yours. Some of what makes the list will seem very obvious and cliche, and that’s because it’s so true it’s become a cliche. Somethings will be very surprising and make you nod your head in a way you didn’t know possible. Here It Is!

PROS & CONS of LIVING IN LOS ANGELES

Pros

Cons

Fantastic Weather (Always Sunny) Diverse Always Something to Do People Watching Goldmine Celebrities Large Breasts are Beloved Here No Snow No Blizzards People are Beautiful People Smile A lot Gay Men are Fierce More Industry Jobs Here A lot of Acting Gigs Lots of Gas Stations Smells Better than East Coast Everyone Wants to be Your Friend

It Never Rains Diversity not Found Everywhere Most to Do is Expensive A lot of Crazy People Celebrities A lot of Fake Breasts Mudslides Earthquakes People are Too Beautiful People Can’t Stop Smiling (botox) Gays Will Mock Grandma Purse at club(Lauren) A lot of Out-of-Work-Actors A lot of Pissed Off Waiters/Waitresses No One Can Drive Here Smog and Traffic Doesn’t Smell Good Everyone is Fake (but at least you know they are)

Soooo… you should so move to LOS ANGELES, friend! If y’all can think of more awesome PROS&CONS for LA then leave them in the comments, and I might just might decide I want to add them to my amazing table/chart thing.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Dear Katnawlins, a question: do you think Chris Brown will finally have repercussions for his actions? I mean getting called out by a gaggle of drunk girls? That’s pretty sad. He should grow up. – Elle (from Berkeley, CA)

G’day, Elle. Thanks for the great question. As of right now I don’t think Chris Brown has really received a harsh enough repercussions for his actions. Sure a bunch of bitches, I mean girls giving him a look or too doesn’t suffice. Let’s compare the treatment Kanye West had after he drunkenly went onstage during Taylor Swift’s VMA speech vs. Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rihanna. Sure one happened more recently but it’s hard not to see that Kanye has been repremanded more than Chris Brown has by the media and by even President Obama (who said some harsh words about Kanye off the record, but nothing as far as we know about Chris Brown’s actions). Both Chris Brown and Kanye West acted out in reprehensible ways, but the difference is there are no bite marks on Taylor Swift’s arms.

2. Hi, gee! luv the blog esp that chris brown post. tell me were the girls hot or not… cause if they were hot lemme take a few off his hands. ill punch a bitch or two if thats what they seem to like hangin out w/ him! – Charles II (from Morgan, PA)

Thanks, Charles II. I don’t like that you even joked about punching bitches in your question, but I understand where you were at least going with it. I guess I’m going to have to get used to all the Chris Brown related questions from my last post. I wish I had a way to tell those stupid chicks you were interested in them.

3. To Whom This May Concern, Are you looking for other writer’s for your blog? Also love your blog, but could be even better with my point of view! – Samson (from Viola, NM).

Hi Samson, I’m not looking for any more writers for the blog currently. Also, I feel like this question wasn’t just to me like i feel as if you spammed this across many different bloggers. Secondly, wordpress is a free blog website. If you want to share you point of view with the world please do, start your own blog. Thirdly, if that wasn’t a mass spam than thanks for the loving my blog (though I’m sure you’ve never read it).

Alright! That’s all for now! Keep the Questions coming! I love em! oh and GEAUX SAINTS!

weekends come and weekends go…

I hope y’all (the world) had a fabulous weekend! I know I did. I’d love to hear all about y’alls weekend, too (in the comments, but write it in the smallest of print and the simplest of terms, thanks!).

My weekend was very eventful! As I said in my previous post my sister came to visit (the middle, less-manger-one, remember?). A couple of her friends and my friend/roommate and I all went out last night into the underbelly of Los Angeles. Well, Katnawlins, that was mis-leading because Hollywood is not the “underbelly,” but it does have some of the most annoying people in it at night (a lot of LA neighborhoods do actually- like these folks).

There we were in Hollywood intermingled with the America’s most starving for attention people for that moment in time. We go to a bar/lounge around midnight, and order our drinks. We find a place to sit the (five of of us), and not too long after a quite large man runs over to us, and is like “YOU WANNA HEAR THE BEST PICK UP LINE EVER! EVER?” and then runs away. We kind of did want to hear it because why not. He returns five minutes later to shout the same thing, and again we do kind of wanna hear it. (we also wondered if he was too drunk to know he had already awkwardly yelled that us). After the second time he ran over, the girl, woman in his party of three runs over, and is “SORRY ABOUT HIM!” We said it’s okay, and then she inquired how five of us were so pretty and hot, and that there wasn’t even one ugly girl among us. Then she pointed out the third dude in their party, who happens to be the pick up line’s dude twin brother, so he looked like this. She looked as if she were to go away, but instead she blurted out, “Tell me why we’ve been together for 10 YEARS, and we’re not married!” I should also mention she told us how she’d been in a Prince video (15-20 years ago), and was almost chosen to be a Laker girl (again probably 16 years ago).

Somehow the twin brother came back yelling that the pick up line was “WANNA DO SOME COCAINE……. IN THE BATHROOM?” This was ironic cause earlier in the evening, I told my friend/roommate she couldn’t consider herself living in LA till someone offered her cocaine (a good laugh of irony was had by all at the table much to the confusion from the drunk twin). Now what happened next is confusing… it seems he thought we were at a bachelorette party. Not to disappoint I moved my finger off my middle finger and onto my “wedding finger,” and we acted like I was getting married to a gent named Doug, my sister was my maid of honor and we kept on yelling “You’re Getting Married, awwwwwww!!!” He tried to kiss my hand where my “engagement” ring was (which looked nothing like one). The woman also desperately wanted my friend to ask her boyfriend why they weren’t married. Trobs.

The weirdness continued, my sister and her friends had gone to the bathroom and overheard some strange talk of “Bump Its,” which is a device you put in your hair to make it look Sarah Palin, or like this. BUT then perhaps the most ignorant thing happened. They saw a conversation so disgusting unfold that I’ll try to recreate it here for you

Asian Girl: ewwww I have pepper stuck in my teeth!

Blonde Friend: No Big deal, girl you Asian (plucks a string of hair out of her friend’s hair, and hands it to her) Here’s some floss girl!

And the asian girl in fact flossed with her own hair. Racism and hygiene together.

This whole ordeal is nothing compared to fun/nausea/crazyness that laid in store for us at Kitchen 24 (a 24-hour “swanky” diner in Hollywood). Before this evening my most fondest memory of the Kitchen was when one of my best friends from college threw up in the bathroom post-21st b-day and then took a dump in front of me (it all went in the toilet, thank you!). Tonight was much better… because CHRIS BROWN was there. Y’all remember him, right? He beat up Rhianna and left some teeth marks on her in case we didn’t think him slamming her face against the car was enough. This is what he did to her if you forgot, world.

Don't let my sister give you the stank eye because you'll probably get over it QUICK

I interviewed my middle sister about this crazy ordeal with Chris Brown. Oh also this is what she looked like… so I’d like you to see this during the interview when she answers my hard-hitting questions.

She looked at him thrice!

Question 1: What were you thinking when you saw Chris Brown?

Answer: At first I didn’t know what was happening because I was drunk, but then Alex (her friend) said, “Hey, that’s Chris Brown!” for the third time and I thought: wow, he’s disdainful towards women. I should stare at him to convey disdain back!

Question 2: Tell me about the way he reacted to the disdain?

Answer: Well, he looked at me for a brief moment perpelexed and then he turned back to the girl sitting next to him. She was very normal looking (not as hot as Rihanna!) That’s for sure. I wonder in my drunkness if my mean face looked like my goofy face.

Question 3: After we left the establishment what did you do next?

Answer: Well, I’m glad you asked that question, Sister. Hard hitting journalism! I reprimanded a short man for being named Andre (like the cheap champagne, people), got into my friend’s car and proceeded to yell out of the car window that Chris Brown was at E-24 (note she didn’t say the correct establishment for awhile) and that everyone should go there and beat him up!

Question 4: Any additional thoughts?

Answer: Yay! I’d like to add: if you’re 16 and at the In-Out-Burger on a Saturday Night, maybe wear shorts under your dress for the dance party!

After we yelled to much of Hollywood (post 2AM) where Chris Brown could be found we went to In-and-Out Burger (a California fast food chain), and while chilling in the drive-thru line Elle overheard some white people talking about how their friend looks like “Slim-Shady,” to which she rolled down the window and yelled at them, “ALL WHITE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME!” And that is how you end the night, right!

Side Notes: SAINTS made the giants look like kindergartners. 48-27 (and it wasn’t even that close). It was a great game. Every time the Saints made a touch down my sister and I ran Victory Laps around the living room.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Where do bird babies come from? – Nidhi (Mumbai, India)

Hi Nidhi! I love that I have fans in India (and in London). I’m sort of upset that your education in India has failed you about basic biology, so I’m going to fail you, too. “Bird Babies” (which is that the right term?) come from Storks, well some do if they are baby Storks. Thanks, keep reading.

2. I love the art you do. But I don’t have much money. You have anything under $10? – Lou (from Tipaloo, KS)

Great question, Lou! Thanks. I do in fact sell pieces for under 10. Like check out this note-card set for only $5.00. You get three orginial pieces for only 5.00 dollars.