I wouldn’t have it any other way

“So I drifted down to New Orleans / Where I happened to be employed / Workin’ for a while on a fishin’ boat / Right outside of Delacroix” — Bob Dylan, Tangled Blue

Today is the SUPER BOWL, and there is just no way it will be as GLORIOUS as SUPER BOWL 44 was last year (unless you are a packers or steelers fan, but like… why?) I’m not that upset about it because the beautiful & painful thing about time is that what happened can’t be taken back (unless you were bribed in college and have to give your Heisman Trophy back). With that said I do wish I was watching the #SAINTS TWO DAT (repeat SB championship victories back to the back), but alas they were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. There’s always NEXT YEAR (a phrase Saints fans know all too well).

HEY! I’m also back here writing to y’all, so if that ain’t good news than what is, right? Let’s just go ahead and make this post SUPER BOWL 45 related (I’ll make an ill-advised prediction at the bottom of this post).

To be fair I’m not going to talk so much about STEELERS vs PACKERS because I love football, but y’all didn’t come here to read a write up about great tackling ability of the Steeler D or the arm of Aaron Rodgers. You came here to listen to me whine (no, that’s not why? my bad). And I’m going to whine about something football lovers and non-football people can relate to.

 

I couldn't find a single AMERICAN FOOTBALL with a CHIMP. deal with it, I haven't!

I DETEST WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY WATCH THE SUPER BOWL FOR THE COMMERCIALS!

There I said it! I’ve been holding that in way too long, y’all. Now why do I find this soooo problematic, you ask? It’s one thing if you love football or shared community experiences that the Super Bowl has heaps of both. But when you’re hosting a SUPER BOWL PARTY not to watch football, but to watch the commercials something is seriously wrong with you. I GET that new commercials premiere during the Super Bowl (smart one, advertisers & devil), but PEOPLE if you ever watch a television for the rest of the year or know what hulu/youtube are you’re going to see these commercials 100 more times before the next SUPER BOWL. So, to have a party just to watch these commercials, well you’ve been DUPED! It’s like buying a tee-shirt with NIKE on it, and that’s all. You’ve JUST paid for the right to advertise for NIKE for free!

Also when people say they just watch the “Super Bowl for the commercials” it’s pretentious like American football is below them, and somehow watching multi-million dollar companies shovel their brand of shit down our throats is more sophisticated then watching a game of chess. If you don’t like football that’s fine. I don’t like golf, but I don’t say I watch the PGA Tour for the hats. I just don’t watch/follow it. Simple.

Soooo, if you’re one of those who say “I just watch the Super Bowl for the commercials” then I have to ask do you also know the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes?

OKAY ENOUGH OF THE WHINING! ON TO THE…..

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"Houses in a Row (Set of Katnawlins Greeting Cards)"

Hey! I’ve started selling card sets of my work. Right now at KATNAWLINS SHOP. I have two card sets: “Houses in a Row” (above) & “Animal Crackers,” and you can get each card in these two sets individually as well. Check out the CARD SECTION at my shop!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. glad ur back. is this you? (image below) – caroline (from springfield, ma)

Is this me, or just the most amazing ape ever?

Thank you, and thanks for including this picture in your question. Unfortunately, that isn’t me. I wish I had a 10th of the skill of that ape, but one day, maybe? If you added a dog in there that could be my father’s typical Wednesday morning!

2. I’m really enjoying the new quotes using NEW ORLEANS at the head of the posts. I enjoy them more than the monkey business because I feel like you’re better than that tired joke. But to combine your love for chimps & new orleans i’ve included a pic of the two! (image below) – stan (from furd, ny)

Who is this little boy? Why did you give this picture to me? That chimp is working the outfit. FIERCE!

Wow thanks?

 

My prediction for SUPER BOWL 45 (and don’t hold me to this) GREEN BAY 24 – PITTSBURGH 17. There you have it!

It’s been diffic

i’ve seen this in other peoples’ lives, now it’s happening in mine

“It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh; and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans..” — Mark Twain

Wow, Twain big words from a dude that died before he knew what Mardi Gras looks like now, or heard my father’s infamous, “I Hate Mardi Gras” chant/song/spoken word poem. (Dad, I guess I should save this post for Carnival Season, but screw it). I’ll include an image of my father singing this song just for y’all (my loyal and lovely readers).

"I hate Mardi Gras/ I hate it every year/ I hate Mardi Gras"© -Papa (My Last Name), "I Hate Mardi Gras"

Now I feel like I’m going to get sued by my own father because he REALLY DID sing that song for most of my life. But like I said I don’t need to really delve too deeply into this subject. It’s not relevant or timely. Maybe I’ll dive back into this line of thought during Carnival Season for now let’s just say I’ve wetted your palettes (disgusting, right?).

On a TOTALLY different subject sort of. I need to show y’all this picture I found in pursuit of finding a photo of my father that was closest to his likening. I debated on whether or not (lots of me debating myself in this post, ya’ll) to show you guys this, or save it for a rainy day, but fuck it. I absolutely ADORE this image. It’s everything I’ve ever needed in my life (judge me, I dare you!)

 

There are no words. Because this is just too AWESOME.

I have sooooooo many questions from just looking at this picture. Let’s crack right into them:

1. Why is the dog wearing sock booties? the floor looks slippery enough, and I feel like these socks make it worse unless we’re just not able to see the special gripping like forces on the bottom of them.
2. How did they get this monkey to dress so nicely? I’ve seen humans less put together (haven’t we all!)
3. Where did they find a hat that’d fit him? Impeccable fit!
4. How did they raise the stakes enough for that dog? I mean that dog reallllly looks like he wants to win the Rodeo Race? that leads me to…
5. What event is this? The monkey is dressed for Salsa Night at the YMCA. Whereas the dog is dressed for a Landsend catalog shoot.
6. Why is that Monkey such a jerk? Look at the expression of his face… can you say ASS CANAL, or not?

Oh, right by the way. I’m trying to make ASS CANAL happen. It’s absurd enough on its own. Really no need to define it. ASS CANAL is what it is. You know.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

 

"House of the Rising Shotgun PRINT 10x14"

I’ve been slowly but surely putting more prints up of my original paintings and colored pencil drawings at my ETSY SHOP. This one is a 10″x14″ print of my original painting, “House of the Rising Shotgun” that still currently for sale (WINK WINK).

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. great posts lately. really hitting the tough subjects. anyway i always have a hard time telling the difference between “closet” and “closest” when i’m typing on the computer. how about you? – Martin (from Savannah, GA).

I have a hard time with that one, too. It’s embarrassing really because. Every time, I go to write “closet” or “closest” I find myself  thinking long and hard about which one is correct.  I’m glad I’m not the only idiot on the internet.

2. I know you have a social media presence on twitter and other such sites, but do you also have a facebook group I could join? Thanks. – Dewey (from Landers, MI)

Thanks, Dewey for one of the most practical questions ever asked to me on this blog (whoa, nelly, the syntax on that, ewww). Anyway, I don’t have a Facebook Group, but I do have a Facebook Fanpage, which I strongly encourage you and my other lovely blog readers to join (or in Facebook terms, LIKE). Thank you again.
That’s it for today, folks! Enjoy the rest of your week. Happy Hump Day to all and to all a goodnight?

We’ve Been Here Before

Yo, Yo, Ho, Ho… I can’t figure what spirit I’m in. Holiday? Or what. I’m in very good spirits about the SAINTS obviously (12-0, almost barely, but some vooodoo and luck can’t hurt when you are a SAINT).

As always let’s get the self-promotion out of the way first. I drew/painted a new piece called, “WHO DAT SHOTGUN” in honor of my  love and pride for THE SAINTS. It’s 18″x24″ so by far my largest piece on sale. Check it out here:

My new piece you can find at, Katnawlin's Shop on Etsy

oh this is my favorite part of the piece:

Now let’s get to the juicy stuff. I like having a blog obviously, but it is limiting. I can’t talk about everything I would like to (Hi, Dad!) because internet. The very thing that allows me to have a blog restricts my ability to blog. I’m not talking about the ability to even connect to the internet, but rather there are just of lot of people I would like to talk about, and it would be very easy for them to find where I have told an embarrassing story about them. To be far the story would humiliate me as much as the other guilty/innocent party(ies). This is just a cold hard fact about the new age, which is why since the summer I have been writing my faux-memoir (because who at 23 should have a memoir unless you were boy solider or a drug mule at six, and I was only quarter of those things).

What are you talking about, Katnawlins?? Very good point italicized random questioner. I’m just saying I have so many tales of trobs for you that you wouldn’t believe, and I’m sure you would be shocked and horrified by, but in order to mostly protect the guilty I’ll refrain from sharing such tales. So, nothing juicy to share with you kind readers as I would love to.

I can share this video/song with you. It’s by Lily Allen, and it’s called “Not Fair,” and I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. It can say more about my life than I can. Ultimately, this song is not just about her partner’s inability to satisfy her sexually as much as his reluctance to. At first he seems like “Mr. Perfect”:hence the lines:

Oh he treats me with respect

He says he loves me all the time
He calls me 15 times a day
He likes to make sure that I’m fine

He seems perfect and you find out he doesn’t “make her scream” in bed.  Many women can relate (men, too), but what I find the most relevant is the act he’s putting on, which is why in the song she sings, “It’s not fair/ And I think you’re really mean/ Oh you’re supposed to care/ But you never make me scream.” He’s only nice to her because he wants to sleep with her, and not interested enough in making sure she is enjoying herself.

Okay.. not to leave this blog entry on such a sour note. Watch my friend, Michael‘s amazing dance troupe recent show, Elemental on youtube.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Sooooo your boys [the saints] had a crazy, crazy game on sunday. weirdest game i’ve seen in some time. between the interception-interception play among brees, moore (redskin) and meachem (saint) to suisham missing that beyond easy field goal that brought your boys new life. So, my question is what do you think happened more the redskins lost or the saints won?  – George (from Salt Lake City, UT)

Hi George, you’re the first person from Utah to write in a question so exciting for me. Yeah, it was a very, very strange game and I’ll say we got more lucky than anything. Ultimately, I think the Red Skins dropped the ball so to speak. Jim Zorn should have gone for the 4th down, and trusted his offense could have made a touchdown (our D had been suffering all day, mad injuries). Instead, he picked the more conservative choice and went for the easy points with a field goal except as everyone knows the field goal was no good, and the rest is history. I’m going to go with a little bit of both because the Saints kept fighting all game, and they easily could have just said “you win some, you lose some,” and called it day, but they kept fighting, and that’s what champions do. WHO DAT!

2. You never did blog the next day about your thanksgiving. WHHHHYYY? – Colin (Redwoods, NJ)

You’re right I didn’t. Sorry. Next time I’ll try not to make promises like that. Ugh!

3. What do you think of Rihanna‘s new album? Any good songs? I’m okay with Russian Roulette. – Staci (from El Paso, TX)

Hi Staci, the album is okay. I like “Cold Case Love” a lot, but I think Justin Timberlake pens good songs for Rihanna (like “Rehab”).

You got questions for me leave them in the comments! Till later, boooos!

Receptionist is like… WOAH or like sittin’ at a desk answering a random call and signing for packages (jealous, world?)

Good Afternoon, my little chicklets! How I have missed you? It’s been awhile since a real post from me. I’ve just been busy (and not just on Farmville (I am on level 18 haha oh how lame)). I’ve been painting, drawing, going on auditions, performed at the UCB and working. And of course reading and watching everything I can about my boys, THE SAINTS (8-0, baby).

So, what am I doing toady? I am working as a receptionist for a film company best known for sparkling vampires (only clue y’all will get). Just at I type this bit of fun I overhear German Business Men speaking in German (surprise!). What are they saying? Who knows… I’m sure something German-y & Business-y. Other than that I just answer phone calls, receive packages, and call people to them their “noon is here.” It’s so exciting! Right? Right? ugh.

This is what I wish I was doing instead:

This is what I dream of doing as I sit at my lonely desk answering phone calls I could care a less about... oh to be a chimp!

But alas, I am here sitting at this desk writing to you, my loyal readers about the drudgery (word or not?) of sitting under flourescent lighting and sparkling vampires (since the trailer is on 24/7 in the lobby- sooo much longing). Really nothing interesting to report apparently there was an ambulance and cop cars downstairs earlier, someone had to come out in a stretcher. There are no windows around me, so I didn’t see this happen, but I was told by a delivery man. BREAKING NEWS, people, or breaking news for that person on the stretcher.

So, this trailer being on repeat… I have no idea what the movie is about. Whenever I look up to watch for a moment it’s a totally different scene then the one I’ve seen before. A lot going on in this one film (so many elements: wind, water, fire… the fourth element). And a girl in a scarf (that’s the scene I keep seeing by chance). Oh, and there is a lot of running. I wonder how much dialogue there actually will be with all that running. Except for the obvious “Why are you running?”, “Hurry Up!” , “Keep Running!”. “Why are we running?” , “There is a werewolf- RUN” and “Why am I running, when I can fly?” <— this is what I think about when I sit at reception.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. That orangutan looks a lot like what I picture your father to be like. Kinda hairy and always with a dog? Please elaborate on the weirdness of your paternal canine-watcher. – Elle (Berkeley, CA) or could be from OW (New Orleans, LA)

Yes, my father looks like that picture of an orangutan with a leashed dog: remember it’s here. Which is why I chose that picture because it reminded me a lot of my father, which I believe was the point. My father loves his three daughters, but he loves his four dogs perhaps a bit more. He considers his four canine pals to be his children as well as his companions while he stays at home all day painting and answering the doorbell for UPS (my mother receives many packages). His favorite dog would probably be the schnoodle, Heidi (ten pounds of delight) who makes him carry her everywhere. Though he loves his new son (and only son) very much, Buckley, the german shepard-mix we rescued from El Paso, TX back in August. He loves those dogs as much as he’ll hate this answer.

2. luv the blog, but hate the DMV- how did it go? - Chuck (from Baltimore, MD)

Hi Chuck, thank you and I hate the DMV, too. I know I said in my last blog I was going, but I ended up having to post-pone that trip to later this month. I am going to the DMV to get a California license as well as needing to register my car in California (to get Cali license  plates). Wish me luck, please!

3. You do improv? what type? long form or short? any stand up? a comedy fan. keep up the good work. – Jasper (Louisville, KY

Thanks, Jasper. I just completed my first level class of improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade and look forward for 201 level in January. I prefer watching and performing long form, but I think short form is a great way to warm up, and can be a lot of fun. I don’t do stand up currently, but as soon as I gets the balls to do it I figure why not try it out. Thank you. How is the comedy scene in Louisville?

That what’s mistaken for closeness… Is just a case of mitosis

Hey Friends! It’s been a couple of days since my last post (like I said before it could get like this, but no fear, I’m here now (comma splices and all)).

So, it’s come to my attention from my friend, Nidhi, that I write toooo muccch about the SAINTS. So, I’m not allowed to write about them again until after Monday’s game against the Dirty Birds (aka the Atlanta Falcons, our biggest NFC South Rivals). So when it comes to the SAINTS talk my lips are sealed (but sealed with a cool BLACK AND GOLD tape).

On a slightly related note, but not really. I’m currently addicted to the facebook application game FARMVILLE. Y’all heard of it? I’ve only been playing for a couple of days now, but I’m addicted! For those of you who don’t know what Farmville is let me tell you about it:

“Well.. you just plough land and plant stuff and then harvest them. The more points you get you go up levels. And yeah each plant has different harvest times and you gotta harvest them else they’ll die.. its good.. loads of people have it.. i didn’t realise it was so popular (:” – from Yahoo Answers

It really is addictive. My sisters got me hooked on it, and like I said I’ve only been playing for a couple of days but already on level 8 (how sad). Here is a picture of my farm:

I’m the little farmer in the middle of it all

To give you a better idea how far I still have to go my middle sister is way ahead of me in terms of level. She is at level 22. LEVEL 22, people. Look at her farm please:

Yeah, Her Farm is Poppin’

The game is ridiculous, and I have no idea why I got so addicted so quickly. I’m not a game-kind-of-girl. Maybe I love this game because I love animals. For instance, sometimes a random animal will need to be adopted. Such a post will look like this:

How can I possibly say no to a cow so cute and lonely? I need it, and I need to sell the milk (2 rights make a right right)

Why I really love this game I think goes back to when I was little and I would play Oregon Trail on the computer. Remember that game, y’all? Where you and a bunch of people you invented would chill in a covered wagon and head out into the West in the quest for a new home in Oregon (of all places).

The game never mentioned the fact you were going to steal land that was already inhabited by people for thousands of years. In fact the only mention of Native Americans in that game was the kind Native American man you could pay to help you ford the big rivers (oh, and you had to pay him because otherwise inevitability you’d always either: a) die b) your oxen would drown c) 250 lbs of bison meat would spoil somehow.Oh, at the time I used to play that game I was a vegetarian, but I loved hunting for bison (messed up, right!).

Because I have an overactive imagination I wouldn’t just play the game on the computer, but in real life. My sister and I would use the twin beds in my bedroom as our covered wagons, and take a straw hat and tie a ribbon on it to make it bonnet-like (because that was the look back in the trail days).

So, my roomate needs to be weary if she comes home one day and I’m playing live-action farmville. If she walks into my room and I’m plowing, and adopted “ugly ducklings” that turn into swans. Then I may have to be committed.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Hi Katnawlins, I think you’ll get a kick out of this picture? tell me if you do. – Stevie (St. Louis, MO) pic attached:

Chimps that can use old-timey phones better than me

Stevie! YES! I love the picture, and of course you knew I would. Yeah, I hate that that chimp knows how to use a rotary phone better than I ever will. He’s also so cute and inquisitive (or rather was, awww).

2. I hope you can help me out here. My mouth has been sort of achey especially on the right side. The other day I was eating a piece of non-free range bacon, and a whole chunk of tooth just came right out. It was epic! So, my question is should I go to the dentist or just eat free-range bacon? What do you recommend? Thanks. p.s. love the blog. – Jeremiah (Suffolk, MN)

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Jeremiah. I’m not a doctor/dentist or even an orthodontist, but I’m pretty sure you just should be eating free-range bacon. Your tooth fell out because god is mad at you for eating pigs that have never felt the earth beneath their hooves. Also, god might be mad you were eating hooved animals (depending on which god you listen to). Hope that helped- don’t sue me.

3. Why can’t guys and girls just be friends? I have this guy friend and I’m not attracted to him at all, but he’s very quickly becoming one of my closest friends. Why does it have to cross the fine line of friendship? – Paulina (from Pittsfield, OR)

Great question, Paulina. I’m not from the school of thought that heterosexuals of the opposite sex can’t be friends. I think that’s a silly out-dated idea created by fathers scared of their dowry money being spent before they could land the richest dude in the little village they lived in. Most likely he’s confusing his feelings of friendship and closeness for those of romantic ones, which with time he’ll see how wrong his feelings are (haha poor guy). Or he just wants to be in a relationship, and y’all get along so well he figures why not? I don’t know, I’m not inside his head (thank god).

That’s all for today, guys! Remember Farmville is highly addictive, but the animals on it are adorable! Till next time!