I wouldn’t have it any other way

“So I drifted down to New Orleans / Where I happened to be employed / Workin’ for a while on a fishin’ boat / Right outside of Delacroix” — Bob Dylan, Tangled Blue

Today is the SUPER BOWL, and there is just no way it will be as GLORIOUS as SUPER BOWL 44 was last year (unless you are a packers or steelers fan, but like… why?) I’m not that upset about it because the beautiful & painful thing about time is that what happened can’t be taken back (unless you were bribed in college and have to give your Heisman Trophy back). With that said I do wish I was watching the #SAINTS TWO DAT (repeat SB championship victories back to the back), but alas they were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. There’s always NEXT YEAR (a phrase Saints fans know all too well).

HEY! I’m also back here writing to y’all, so if that ain’t good news than what is, right? Let’s just go ahead and make this post SUPER BOWL 45 related (I’ll make an ill-advised prediction at the bottom of this post).

To be fair I’m not going to talk so much about STEELERS vs PACKERS because I love football, but y’all didn’t come here to read a write up about great tackling ability of the Steeler D or the arm of Aaron Rodgers. You came here to listen to me whine (no, that’s not why? my bad). And I’m going to whine about something football lovers and non-football people can relate to.

 

I couldn't find a single AMERICAN FOOTBALL with a CHIMP. deal with it, I haven't!

I DETEST WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY WATCH THE SUPER BOWL FOR THE COMMERCIALS!

There I said it! I’ve been holding that in way too long, y’all. Now why do I find this soooo problematic, you ask? It’s one thing if you love football or shared community experiences that the Super Bowl has heaps of both. But when you’re hosting a SUPER BOWL PARTY not to watch football, but to watch the commercials something is seriously wrong with you. I GET that new commercials premiere during the Super Bowl (smart one, advertisers & devil), but PEOPLE if you ever watch a television for the rest of the year or know what hulu/youtube are you’re going to see these commercials 100 more times before the next SUPER BOWL. So, to have a party just to watch these commercials, well you’ve been DUPED! It’s like buying a tee-shirt with NIKE on it, and that’s all. You’ve JUST paid for the right to advertise for NIKE for free!

Also when people say they just watch the “Super Bowl for the commercials” it’s pretentious like American football is below them, and somehow watching multi-million dollar companies shovel their brand of shit down our throats is more sophisticated then watching a game of chess. If you don’t like football that’s fine. I don’t like golf, but I don’t say I watch the PGA Tour for the hats. I just don’t watch/follow it. Simple.

Soooo, if you’re one of those who say “I just watch the Super Bowl for the commercials” then I have to ask do you also know the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes?

OKAY ENOUGH OF THE WHINING! ON TO THE…..

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"Houses in a Row (Set of Katnawlins Greeting Cards)"

Hey! I’ve started selling card sets of my work. Right now at KATNAWLINS SHOP. I have two card sets: “Houses in a Row” (above) & “Animal Crackers,” and you can get each card in these two sets individually as well. Check out the CARD SECTION at my shop!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. glad ur back. is this you? (image below) – caroline (from springfield, ma)

Is this me, or just the most amazing ape ever?

Thank you, and thanks for including this picture in your question. Unfortunately, that isn’t me. I wish I had a 10th of the skill of that ape, but one day, maybe? If you added a dog in there that could be my father’s typical Wednesday morning!

2. I’m really enjoying the new quotes using NEW ORLEANS at the head of the posts. I enjoy them more than the monkey business because I feel like you’re better than that tired joke. But to combine your love for chimps & new orleans i’ve included a pic of the two! (image below) – stan (from furd, ny)

Who is this little boy? Why did you give this picture to me? That chimp is working the outfit. FIERCE!

Wow thanks?

 

My prediction for SUPER BOWL 45 (and don’t hold me to this) GREEN BAY 24 – PITTSBURGH 17. There you have it!

It’s been diffic

BRING EM TO THE DOME

“We used to say ‘Who dat’ since way back when / Now we’re saying ‘We dat’ every time we win / You can write it down, take a picture, tell a friend / We already done it. We’re gonna do it again” — Rebirth Brass Band

I’m all kinds of happy. I’m sitting here with a sore throat, but with a glow of happiness from last night’s tight game between the NEW ORLEANS #SAINTS against our biggest foes the dirty birds (aka the atlanta falcons). We’re battling it for NFC and NFC South supremacy.

I’ll keep the SAINTS talk to a minimum since I know some of my readers don’t like/care about football. Let’s put it this way. Last nights game took some of the dirty birds swagger away, and nothing bad about that, y’all.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the holidays. Mine have been very nice and chill (too many times i’ve been hungover, but that is what NEW ORLEANS is for I guess.

Happy Holidays! Imagine that this amazing SANTA APE is singing, "All I Want for Christmas is for the SAINTS to go the Superbowl"

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. my favorite thing about your blog are not your words or your humor (cause neither make much sense). what keeps me coming back for more are the pics of monkeys you find. keep em coming! – cici  (from tonka, NJ)

That’s a weird compliment mixed with not so nice things. I’m with you on the monkey/ape pics. I love them clearly. I spent hours of my life trolling the internet looking for these pictures. HOURS! Here is a new cute one I’d say.

I'm trying to figure it out, too

This chimp is wiser than us all. He can write with BOTH HANDS! BOTH! Amazing!

2. yyyyyyyooo mami! I LOVE your new layout. Looks great. Really enjoy the new banner. – Darren (from San Diego, CA)

Thank you, Darren. This might just be one of the nicest things said to me of all things said to me on my blog.

3. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON THIS PIC BELOW. NO IDEA! NONE! HELP! – Bea (from Philadelphia, PA)

Everyone Deserves to be Loved

I see how you may be confused by this picture, but luckily I’m an expert in chimp picture behavior. First look this picture seems very cute/sweet, and even romantic because it’s in black and white. However, if you are truly paying attention you notice that one chimp is in fact tying the other chimp up in a sexually suggestive way. I think there is true love and respect here, but I also think there is high kink here, too. They really are just like us!

That’s all for today y’all! WHO DAT SAY THEY GONNA BEAT DEM SAINTS… can’t wait for the playoffs. TWO DAT! I’ll be in the SUPERDOME for the last game of the regular season on January 2nd! I’ll be drunk probs, but also excited to see my boos!

all that glitters is gold

“Way down yonder in NEW ORLEANS . In the land of dreamy scenes. There’s a garden of Eden. You know what I mean.” — Louis Armstrong

Is everyone excited for the holidays? If we’re being real and inclusive then the holidays really already started December 1st was the first day of JEWISH 8 DAYS OF OIL HOLIDAY (it’s famous).

I’ll be in NEW ORLEANS for the holidays as usual. Last year the family went to London to celebrate my parents 25th-anniversary-of-not-killing-each-other-while-living-on-the-under-the-same-roof. It was cold and dreary (thanks ENGLAND). And we missed the annual FAMILY LAST NAME tradition (going strong after three years, The Annual Christmas Eve Party at the FAMILY LAST NAME, which consists of my mom inviting 3 people + family and having tons of party food and a random ham my Nana thinks needs to be there. My sisters and i just look embarrassed at the lack of guests.

This year my middle sister and I are going to wear festive holiday sweaters to keep up us warm and entertained for five minutes. I purchased “classy” versus “classic” holiday sweaters at a LOS ANGELES thrift store on Melrose (they had tons at AMERICAN VINTAGE). Look for an example below:

"CLASSIC TACKY HOLIDAY SWEATER"

"CLASSY HOLIDAY SWEATER"

Do you see what I mean now? these are two very different kinds of sweaters, and I’d be very offended if someone thought the one on the right was the same as the one on the left.  how did i get these words here?

Now that we’ve got that cleared up (thankfully) on to more important & pressing needs.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"I HEART NOLA Shotgun (one of a kind)"

“I HEART NOLA SHOTGUN (one of a kind)” can be purchased at my ETSY SHOP. This colored pencil drawing is just one of many new items in my shop. I have new paintings and holiday ornaments like the ones below!

"SAINTS Holiday Ornament (one of a kind)" & "NOLA Orange Ornament (one of a kind)"

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. have you been able to find any great chimps in a holiday sweater for the season? Cause I can’t find a single one!!! NOT ONE – Lex (from Newport, MA)

It’s been difficult. Very trying actually! TACKY HOLIDAY SWEATERS = hilarious & CHIMPS DOING ANYTHING = hilarious, so you’d think that sweaters + chimps = GOLDMINE. I know, I know. These two pics were the closest I came to finding our dream pictures!

Puppet Monkeys Dressed for the Season - this is disappointing

Imagine that this adorable little chimp had a holiday element to it. maybe those white dots are SNOW!!

I couldn't resist! It is a GREEN sweater/hoodie with a dogggggy!

2. KATNAWLINS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LITTLE DOGS DRESSED UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS? – Vince (from Jakarta, Indonesia)

I think it’s cute. More cute than I should because I also think it looks absolutely stupid. I totally understand from a place of warmth. If you have a dog that has hair instead of fur (i.e. poodles, schnoodles, cockapoos (anything with poodle in it basically) then to keep this animal warm in cold climates something like a doggy sweater or coat is good.

How cute I find the picture is determined by how awesome the dog feels in said picture.

Exhibit A: This schnoodle LOVES their sweater & their owner. Couldn't be more stylish if it tried!

Exhibit B: This pug hates his life & loves his owner (cause all dogs love their owners unless the last name is VICK).

You can also be impressed that both pictures involve HOLIDAY SWEATERS (and one is an example of classy and the other an example of tacky).

3. How about dem boys? You think we gonna two dat? – Flex (from Alexandria, LA)

I would loooooovvvvvvvvveeeee to play the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, and BEAT EM!! How awesome would that be if we could beat Manning and Brady in back to back Super Bowls. It’d say a lot about us and for Drew Brees!

So, yes I think we can definitely TWO DAT (for those not a SAINTS fan it just means WIN THE SUPERBOWL). In order to make our lives easier it’d be great to get no. 1 seed in the NFC playoffs, but that will be hard with the dirty birds playing so competently. I do think we can beat them in the Georgiadome. We’re much better than we were when we first played them back in week 3. It’s going to be tough, but we’ve been done this road before and have been VICTORIOUS!

That’s it for now, y’all. HAVE A FABULOUS HOLIDAY, and I’ll see you in 2011 (damn this place is getting mad old!!).

i’m the press conference, you’re a conversation

“About fifteen miles above New Orleans the river goes very slowly. It has broadened out there until it is almost a sea and the water is yellow with the mud of half a continent. Where the sun strikes it, it is golden.” — Frank Yerby

I haven’t been around a lot after being around so much. That’s a pretty cruel joke for me to play on y’all. C’est la vie, readers! (that’s French for “don’t come to me with your first world problems“)

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"Hoot DAT Circle Painting"

who dat, who dat say they GONNA BUY THIS REALLY CUTE OWL at my ETSY Shop. Everyone loves the (#SAINTS except those who don’t) and everyone loves Owls (except oclophobics).

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. you found monkey & cat/dog photos!?!??! this is a thing?? bABHAHAHAHAHAA. love the justification, and severely doubt you got all the cat names right. just saying. i’m on both team cat & team dog. there. i said it. – Nidhi (from Mumbai, INDIA)

How can you say you’re both. That’s like saying you’re for evil and good at the same time (yes, I am saying cats = evil and dogs = good). I got ALL of the cats right, pay up, fan! It’s amazing how easy it is to find these photos. I am clearly not the only person obsessed with this heavenly combo of mammal. I just found a new one!

I feel bad for this dog. These little monkeys are real punks, and they think they're cooler than they are. DOUCHE CHILL (the fact this monkey thinks he's actually got this dog on a leash, oh brother!)

2. what did you do during the bye week? i felt like there was nothing to do without my saints playing on sunday! – Robert (from Lake Charles, LA)

Exactly, Robert. It was difficult not to have a week of news much less a game this past sunday with our boys in the black and gold. For those who don’t like football or know much about sports. In the NFL, teams get a week off during the regular 16 games in order to lengthen the season to make more money for the NETWORKS get some much needed rest. I still did my daily reading of Canal Street Chronicles, ESPN-nfl, NOLA.com, and SI.com. I also paid more attention to the NEW ORLEANS HORNETS (having a very nice start to the season). But of course I also did my photo studying, and I love this!

I love this dog's enthusiasm! GEAUX SAINTS. TWO DAT

That is it for now folks. Next week I’ll be in NEW ORLEANS, LA (jealous?) Maybe I’ll post from there. I will also be at the SAINTS- seahawks game in the dome on sunday (jealous?).

i may be paranoid, but not an android

“Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans
I miss it both night and day
I know that it’s wrong… this feeling’s gettin’ stronger
The longer, I stay away
Miss them moss covered vines…the tall sugar pines
Where mockin’ birds used to sing
And I’d like to see that lazy Mississippi…hurryin’ into spring.” — Louis Armstrong, “Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans”

I know I’m supposed to begin each blog now with a quote about New Orleans, but I felt like using Louis Armstrong’s famous song about New Orleans instead, so sue me! OKAY, don’t really. IT’S an EXPRESSION!

Since today is Friday and I don’t give a hoot anymore. I’m going to dedicate this blog post to DOGS vs CATS. It’s one of the oldest feuds on record. You may be asking yourself, reader: HEY, HOW CAN I TRUST THAT KATNAWLINS IS IN FACT QUALIFIED TO EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS? First of all, READER! I’m not qualified to talk about 3/4ths of what I talk about here, and NOW you question my knowledge bank? This might be the only thing I know anything about at all.

Secondly, READER! In my short time on this earth thus far I have owned (or my family as well) SIXTEEN cats & SEVEN dogs. Don’t believe me? Here is the list of names! [side note: we've own SEVEN Hamsters, too] My house was a regular old zoo.

CATS	DOGS	HAMSTERS
1.       Max  2.       Gretchen 3.       Maggie 4.       Little Blue 5.       Blackey 6.       Sophie 7.       Natasha 8.       Boris 9.       Lili 10.   Tiger 11.   Tiggy 12.   Princess 13.   Kerry-Edwards 14.   Carmen 15.   Kitty 16.   Shelby	1.       Lassie  2.       Henry 3.       Duma 4.       Angel 5.       Kara 6.       Heidi 7.       Buckley	1.       Ginger  2.       Phoebe 3.       Lauren 4.       Whisper 5.       Lumpkin 6.       Bonita 7.       Odie

Yeah I grew up in a crazy animal place! Now my family doesn’t really love cats very much. I know that’s hard to comphrend when you see that we have had 16 cats in my lifetime.

We’re those people that other people say “Hey! Can you take my cat? Cause I’m moving and the landlord won’t let me keep my cat. Sooo if you don’t take my cat I’ll have to kill it” OR “We found these 2 abandoned cats if we bring them to the shelter they’ll kill em” OR “Hey, is that an orphaned one month old kitten outside your house post Hurricane Lili? Oh it is… make sure you name the kitten after the hurricane, too. Thanks!” This is how we accumulated that many cats. Because we’re stupid.

Most of the sixteen have passed away from old age. The family still has SIX cats and FOUR dogs. The only dog that we own on accident is Buckley who was saved outside of El Peso, TX on my drive to Los Angeles. He’s the sweetest dog we’ve ever owned, too. So, that time we were awarded.

So, I just did the math… Oh my god that means my family has owned 30 ANIMALS in my lifetime. Y’all we didn’t grow up on a farm or anything. ANYTHING! I know that those 30 animals didn’t all chill with each other. They’re from different points and times, but still this explains my childhood desire to be a zoo keeper (okay just at the age of eight was this a goal, but still).

I realize that I spent most of this blog post not actually arguing that DOGS are better than cats, but instead making my point as to why I’d be the right person to lead this discussion. So, instead of making an argument how about y’all just tell me the comments which you like more. DOGS vs. CATS!!!

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

 

Fleur de Elephant PRINT 14"x 10"

I have a bunch of new 10″ x 14″ prints in my ETSY Shop. I’m going to continue to add more prints of various different sizes throughout the rest of the year, so be on the look out, y’all. I know this is what y’all always wanted!!!! So, you’re WELCOME!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. I’m so excited to see how this GRAND DEBATE between DOGS vs. CATS goes. I for one am on TEAM CAT. Here’s why: cats are independent, cool, and but can still be in sync with their human masters. This picture demonstrates what I’m saying best! – Dek (From Williamsburg, VA)

What a sweet lil kitten with that primate!

I have no idea why that picture makes your case at allll. I wish I did. Yes, that kitten is being very patient with that little monkey, BUT the thing with a single picture is we can’t see the before and after. It’s not a moving picture, so for all we know (and this is likely) in the next second that cat scratched the living shit out of that monkey. SAD!

2. I am totally TEAM DOG, and here’s why. Dogs are: sweet, loyal, compassionate, loving, devoted, awesome, and smart (they can be). This picture clearly shows what I’m talking about! In fact I shouldn’t have that said anything because this picture says it all. – Ashton (From Beaumont, TX)

Man/Primate's Best Friend. Through Thick and Thin

I couldn’t agree more, but I am also heavily biased since I am definitely on TEAM DOG. A cat would never let this picture happen. Maybe a kitten, but not a grown cat, hellllll to the no! That would never happen! Ever!

3. I’m on TEAM DOG. How cute is this? – Ryan (From Dillon, NY).

How cute and patient is this lil pupppppy?

Well umm you can’t just be TEAM DOG because this is a cute picture. There are tons of cute pictures with kittens doesn’t make me like cats anymore. But thank you for writing in and sharing.

Agree? Disagree? Let your voices/feelings/emotions/opinions be heard in the comment section!!! Have a great weekend, y’all!!

put a twenty dollar gold piece on my watch chain

“In America, I would say New York and New Orleans are the two most interesting food towns. In New Orleans, they don’t have a bad deli. There’s no mediocrity accepted.” — Mario Batali

No. 16 Lance Moore scores the final TOUCHDOWN of the SAINTS game against the steelers. final score: 20-10. WHO DAT

We did it, Y’ALL! We beat no. 1 ranked Pittsburgh Steelers. I can’t call it a comeback yet because we need some consistency, but last night’s game in the superdome was a BIG WIN for us. A BIG WIN!

In other news, my youngest sister/manager (she was interviewed in this post) came in town this week to do some much needed college touring and interviewing. So, I played personal chauffeur to her needs this weekend. Every single need this girl had I had to obey. She would say I didn’t really do that. By the end of the visit she was for sure sick of me, and at one point even had the AUDACITY to kick me out of my own living room because I was “annoying her.” OUCH! She eventually forgave me, and allowed me to re-enter my own abode, but it was tense for an hour.

Surely, y'all remember my manager. She is a lil dumpling, she is!

The great thing about my little sister is her sense of humor. She has a way with words and a way with insults. On of our family trip to London Town. She told me, “Your face is my bidet” (for Americans who may not know what that is: it’s a plumbing device to wash one’s ass with after they dropped the kids off at the pool (aka poop)).

This trip was no disappointment. We walked into our hotel room in Orange, CA.

Me: Wow, I thought this HOTEL FRANCHISE was fancier.

Sister: What do you expect for $13.00 a night?

Me: That was just for the parking.

She also told me that she raised me more than my own mother did. My sister is six years my junior.  I also realize these things may not be that funny for y’all because you don’t know her and maybe you don’t have a sense of humor. I get it!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. i’m glad to see you are regularly posting. I guess you’re sort of sick of hearing that, but take it as a compliment.  Have you seen this picture. I saw it and immediately thought of you. Immediately. — Pepe (from Paris, France)

Pic Included w/ Question: isn't this great?

Thanks, Pepe. I love my internal fans the second most. Y’all are great, and let me just say that your English is pretty good. Not anything to write home about, but pretty good. Now take that as a compliment. As for the pic it’s adorable! ADORABLE. Is it funny? No. Why did this make you think of me? Because of the primate connection. I’m not that easy to figure out. Nice try, frenchie. How about this pic for hilarity (must bring expectations down a bit).

You gave me cute I RAISE you absurd!

2. Happy ALL SAINTS DAY! The anniversary when the New Orleans Saints were formed! Great win last night couldn’t have come at a better time. – Dana (from Baton Rouge, LA)

Agreed. Not sure what else to say to that. I agree, soooooooooooooooo WHO DAT!
That’s all for now!

ACTING PLUG: By the way I’ll be on  CBS, The Doctors tomorrow. Check out your local listings to see me on TV. If you’re like but what’s you name? I think it’s going to be PRETTY obvious who I am. My segment has Mardi Gras floats and Jazz music playing. You’ll know me when you hear it.

i’ve seen this in other peoples’ lives, now it’s happening in mine

“It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh; and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans..” — Mark Twain

Wow, Twain big words from a dude that died before he knew what Mardi Gras looks like now, or heard my father’s infamous, “I Hate Mardi Gras” chant/song/spoken word poem. (Dad, I guess I should save this post for Carnival Season, but screw it). I’ll include an image of my father singing this song just for y’all (my loyal and lovely readers).

"I hate Mardi Gras/ I hate it every year/ I hate Mardi Gras"© -Papa (My Last Name), "I Hate Mardi Gras"

Now I feel like I’m going to get sued by my own father because he REALLY DID sing that song for most of my life. But like I said I don’t need to really delve too deeply into this subject. It’s not relevant or timely. Maybe I’ll dive back into this line of thought during Carnival Season for now let’s just say I’ve wetted your palettes (disgusting, right?).

On a TOTALLY different subject sort of. I need to show y’all this picture I found in pursuit of finding a photo of my father that was closest to his likening. I debated on whether or not (lots of me debating myself in this post, ya’ll) to show you guys this, or save it for a rainy day, but fuck it. I absolutely ADORE this image. It’s everything I’ve ever needed in my life (judge me, I dare you!)

 

There are no words. Because this is just too AWESOME.

I have sooooooo many questions from just looking at this picture. Let’s crack right into them:

1. Why is the dog wearing sock booties? the floor looks slippery enough, and I feel like these socks make it worse unless we’re just not able to see the special gripping like forces on the bottom of them.
2. How did they get this monkey to dress so nicely? I’ve seen humans less put together (haven’t we all!)
3. Where did they find a hat that’d fit him? Impeccable fit!
4. How did they raise the stakes enough for that dog? I mean that dog reallllly looks like he wants to win the Rodeo Race? that leads me to…
5. What event is this? The monkey is dressed for Salsa Night at the YMCA. Whereas the dog is dressed for a Landsend catalog shoot.
6. Why is that Monkey such a jerk? Look at the expression of his face… can you say ASS CANAL, or not?

Oh, right by the way. I’m trying to make ASS CANAL happen. It’s absurd enough on its own. Really no need to define it. ASS CANAL is what it is. You know.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

 

"House of the Rising Shotgun PRINT 10x14"

I’ve been slowly but surely putting more prints up of my original paintings and colored pencil drawings at my ETSY SHOP. This one is a 10″x14″ print of my original painting, “House of the Rising Shotgun” that still currently for sale (WINK WINK).

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. great posts lately. really hitting the tough subjects. anyway i always have a hard time telling the difference between “closet” and “closest” when i’m typing on the computer. how about you? – Martin (from Savannah, GA).

I have a hard time with that one, too. It’s embarrassing really because. Every time, I go to write “closet” or “closest” I find myself  thinking long and hard about which one is correct.  I’m glad I’m not the only idiot on the internet.

2. I know you have a social media presence on twitter and other such sites, but do you also have a facebook group I could join? Thanks. – Dewey (from Landers, MI)

Thanks, Dewey for one of the most practical questions ever asked to me on this blog (whoa, nelly, the syntax on that, ewww). Anyway, I don’t have a Facebook Group, but I do have a Facebook Fanpage, which I strongly encourage you and my other lovely blog readers to join (or in Facebook terms, LIKE). Thank you again.
That’s it for today, folks! Enjoy the rest of your week. Happy Hump Day to all and to all a goodnight?

Extraordinary histories, ordinary histories, ordinary histories

“Way down yonder in New Orleans/In the land of dreamy scenes/There’s a garden of Eden/You know what I mean.” — Louis Armstrong

So, yesterday my NEW ORLEANS SAINTS took a real unexpected beating from the cleveland browns (1-4, now 2-4). The browns were thirteen point underdogs. It was a very tough game to watch. We played with little to no urgency, and just real sloppy. I can’t blame defense who actually played very well. But the offense again was just really not on point (I guess “Super Bowl Hangover” is a real thing).

OKAY OKAY OKAY. What the hell. GUYS, I have an amazing video to show you. It’s sooooo weird (and blessedly short). It features my beloved CHIMP + DOG loves in one place with moving picture and sound. This very strange, and so with no further ado I give you:

I  know… weird, right? Epically strange yet you smiled, right? A real genuine, I GET IT SMILE. Right? Then you immediately regretted smiling because that chimp is an ass hole.  I’m not going to tell you all the weird reasons why I had that video in my knowledge bank (aka brain). That’s highly classified information, but it was there, and it was AWESOME.

What else do I have to share with y’all? I’m tired. Can’t  you tell by how lazily this post has been written? If I’m going to try to write in her at least twice a week then you have to give me a break. WHAT? MY POSTS WEREN’T THAT GREAT TO BEGIN WITH? Wow, okay! I try, guys. I can’t poop gems every time I sit in front of my computer (that’s okay, I don’t think ANYONE wants that for you or those sitting around you and your computer). Also to be fair to everyone involved with this. I don’t think you want me writing long ass posts every time either. Who has the time to read them much less write these, babies? That’s what I thought.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"I HEART St. Louis Cathedral (One of a Kind Painting)"

This painting is an homage to one of the most famous landmarks in NEW ORLEANS, LA. St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter. My parents were married in this here landmark back in January 1985. It’s pretty, right? The actual cathedral, not my painting. Y’all, I’m not that vain.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. You never talk about the acting thing on here anymore? remember that long boring auditioning post you made almost a year ago? cause i do. that thing was whack! – willy (from Zeppelin, SD).

You know what’s whack? South Dakota, BOOOYYYYAAAAHHHHH. You walked right into that one, Willy. Sorry. I’m still doing the acting thing, but mostly through my various improv endeavors. I’m still currently studying the Harold (a long-form version of improv that is sucking all my brain juices).  I am also performing in a show with some people in North Hollywood on November 2nd. Doing the audition thing and what not. I’ll keep y’all posted when I become famous of course the irony being is that I’ll be too famous for this blog. I’ll be WAY TOO BIG. Oh, the little people, I’ll always forget you (hahahahhahahahahhaha).

2. I’m a big dog lover! And I love that you are, too. Tell me what is your favorite breed? Mine are Poodles. – Lavender (from Frankford, CT)

YAY I love that some of my readers love dogs just as much as I do. That is a difficult question. Maybe one of the most difficult questions a normal-every day-regular person can be asked. But I’ll get it a whirl. Just because to make this easy for everyone (and really just myself). I’ll say golden retrievers are my favorite breed. But I love most dogs and I love muts a lot, too. But since I was a kid I always wanted a golden retriever. Then in my junior year of high school my parents got me on for my Christmas present (every five year old’s favorite xmas gift). Her name is Kara, and she still lives with my family in New Orleans with three other canine pals including her boyfriend, Buckley.

Here Kara is with her boyfriend, Buckley (the large white doggy) and her bestfriend and sister, Heidi (the little schnoodle in the background)

3. What are you doing for Halloween? – Nelly (from Jacksonville, FL)

I am watching the SAINTS hopefully pummel the pittsburgh steelers on my television set with my youngest sister (aka the manager) when she visits me in Los Angeles this coming weekend. I know you’re mad jealous of my Halloween plans. Guess what they can be yours, too (if you own a television or the desire).

That’s all for today, y’all. Keep it up! WHO DAT!

Happy New Year, and other things we stop saying after feb. 1st

SAINTS WORLD CHAMPIONS.. WHO DAT, WHO DAT SAY THEY GONNA BEAT THEM SAINTS... UMM NO ONE ACTUALLY. WE DAT

Happy 2010, y’all. It was a long time a coming since as everyone knows that 2009 historically sucked in so many ways that I can’t even count them (that’s how bad 2009 was I lost the ability to count).

Asides aside, I hope everyone had a great winter-holiday time, and even more fabulous New Years Eve and Day. I haven’t written on here in a real minute because I was across the world in a far away country called London, England. It’s a tiny set of islands in case geography failed you like it’s failed me. Then some time in New Orleans where I really never found the time to write on here.

My Middle Sister took this Picture as My Mother Looked for an ATM

So, now I’m back in Los Angeles doing what I do most of the time sitting behind a desk answering phone calls for other people’s lives aka an assistant. I know y’all are so jealous. Don’t worry I am also doodling up a storm as I sit behind this desk.

Now to the best part of this post! THE SAINTS not only beat the Cardinals, the Vikings, but they went to the SUPER BOWL and won the WHOLE DAMN THING! For reals. I actually was in NOLA last week for the Super Bowl and for LOMBARDI GRAS (the SAINTS Super Bowl parade) Shit was intense.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Where have you been?

I think I just explained all of that.

Santa Claus is Dead… Yeah, well so is Nietzsche!

Happy, Happy, Happpppppy HOLIDAYS, y’all. Can you believe that we’re in the last month of the year, and we look this cute?

I’m not afraid to admit in this blog that I used to love Christmas. I’m not above that. I guess who doesn’t like Christmas (not everyone celebrates it, Katie, but  Jews who sometimes do for the fun of it). There is a baby (jesus, y’all), presents (capitalism, check!), dreams (childhood, yes!), food (holiday weight, thanks!), and outrageous expectations (life!). So, it’s clear at the age of 23 why Christmas doesn’t have the same impact on me anymore (less presents).

When I was 6 I found out the truth. It was on the playground of all (seemingly innocent) places, and this little red-headed bitch had the nerve to drop the largest bomb of my very young, privileged life. She had the audacity (one of my favorite words) to say there was no Santa… no Rudolph no nothing. I did the Home Alone clutch my face and scream. How long did I scream? I don’t remember cause I passed the fuck out.

The worse part was now I had to carry this secret with me. This  green&scarlet letter permanently scaring my brain. At the time my sister Elle was four (so young and innocent) and my Manager was like literally a baby like Jesus (she was my manager even then though. powerful shit in her baby formula). Every holiday season post six years old was like a real kick into my gut because I had to keep acting like the fat man was real. It was insulting. On top of the secrets and deception I kept and told my sisters I still stayed to all strange hours in the night waiting to open presents from mom and dad NOT from Santa. This is what Christmas always looked like at my house:

Sister trying to open her present (Left) and Me (Right) trying to get at her present after I've devoured my gifts in moments... it's hard to be older and stronger. And I guess that's my dad in the background making that weirdo face

By the way, my middle sister didn’t find out the real truth about Santa Claus till she was NINE, which means I kept that promise not tell her for FIVE, long hard years. It was devastating (that’s what she said, hahahahahah). This secret dissolved any any soul I had to begin with. I honestly don’t remember when the manager found out (manager, do you recall)?

Self-Promotion Time

"Bohemian NOLA Shotgun (One of a Kind)"

I have a new 18×24 piece up in SHOP. I just sold the “Who Dat Shotgun” as well. So all is going well at the shop, but could always be better so come on down, y’all!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Katnawlins! Love the blog always read it! I have a serious question for you: How are you spending this holiday? In your beloved New Orleans or in Los Angeles. – Frederic II (from Dillon, TX)

Hi Frederic, thanks for the blog love. I really appreciate it! I am spending a good chunk of the holiday in cheerie ole’ London (my first time out of the country in all of my 23 wise years on this here planet) and the other half in New Orleans to recover from London and New Orleans New Years Eve.

2. It’s the holidays, so I’m wondering what you celebrate Christmas or Chihuahua? Like the blog, but don’t love it yet. With time. – Zed (from Salmon, OR)

Thanks, Zed? I think you meant Chanukah (or Hanukkah) and not chihuahua, but I make spelling errors alllll the time so who am I to talk? You left out a million other celebrations that happen this time of year. If you must know (or now know from this entry of my blog) that I celebrated Christmas growing up, but because I’m half-jewish we ignorantly had a menorah on the Christmas dinner table (including the rare time it snowed on Christmas day in New Orleans in 2004 for forty-five minutes… tsunamis in southeastern asia happened hours  later and Katrina months later, so never was the menorah placed on the Christmas table again).

3. Tell me as a SAINTS fan you have seen this video? It’s hi-larious and pretty insulting to the people of south eastern Louisiana. Here is the video. GEAUX SAINTS! (Luxe from Baton Rouge, LA)

Haha, yes I have seen the video and I even put it up on my facebook status because it’s just soo ridiculous. I reccomend everyone who reads my blog to see it. It’s tooo funny and terrifying all that drinking with all those firearms.

That’s it for now, folks! I hope to post before I ship off to cold-rainy-but-fun-London. If not have a great holiday whatever faith you practice or don’t practice. And if you have to work during the holiday break make sure you get that overtime, get it!

OH AND GEAUX SAINTS! 13-0!!!! AMAZING BLACK&GOLD SUPERBOWL