Why would you go and kid a kidder?

Wow. I know TWO POSTS in less than a week. Whatever is happening in this here universe to allow such a thing to occur? Also, how cliche and stupid am I? I constantly say the same thing if I even write two posts in the same month. I am nothing if I am not a walking cliche of a hollowed soul. It MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. I know. I know.  (I’ve been waiting my whole life for the proverbial “GET HER OFF THE STAGE” CANE to make its literal presence in my life. No such luck, world.)

In today’s post, I think we should (we = me, haha) focus on ONE THING. I mean that’s what a blog should be. Of course you know I’d love to focus just on the #SAINTS all the time, but I’ve promised a certain lovely person in #INDIA I would keep all Saints talk to a bare minimum. I will say this: GEAUX SAINTS –> 4-2 thus far! YAY!

Let’s make this post ABOUT SOMETHING. So often my blog posts are about nothing. Zlitch, NADA… they’re about how they aren’t about anything. How #Seinfeld of me, right (also no idea if I spelled that right or not)?

I even thought about making this post about wanting to make this post about SOMETHING. How 21st century of me, how modern (katie, it’s not the modern age anymore that was 100 years ago, FUCK!) How Post-Modern of me, right? (…) WHAT? What it’s not the post-modern age anymore? Then what time are we living in?

I want this dog so very much! He is available right now. He's a puppy stray in Los Angeles.

I sold a painting this weekend BY THE WAY, readers. I sold my “Lil Creole Red (one of a kind painting).” If you like this painting and are bummed you didn’t get it first. Do not fret, readers. I have plenty of paintings, drawings and prints on sale at my SHOP.

 

Everyone knows the story of Little Red Riding Hood, but no one knows the story of Lil Creole Red who was told many a time to “beware the path” unfortunately the path was destroyed by the United States Core of Engineers during Hurricane Katrina.
Now she’ll have to make her way through the watered path to Grandma’s house.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Hey-yo.You promote your artwork here a lot? Why? – Cirk (from Dock, AL).

Cirk, I promote my artwork here because that’s what a blog is used for. It’s used to publicize me as a person. That’s what all blogs are made for. Sheeeeeeeessssssssssssshhh!

2. If lizards grow on trees. What grows on lizards? – Tommy (from Scarsdale, NY)

I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just do my best to make sense of what you just asked me, Tommy. First of all, lizards don’t grow on trees. They’re not money. Secondly, I’m very concerned that you thought they possibly could. Sure, they might make a tree their home. Their habitat even, but never grow from said tree. Thirdly, only tails actually grow on lizards. You’re truly an idiot. And I don’t mean that as a compliment. Sheeeeesssshhhh!!

Exactly! This is how this QUESTION makes me feel. thanks, lizard!

3. Katnawlins, You seem hip and with it what with your dancing monkeys and all- I have a question. Yesterday I had the unique experience of posing as a poser at an indie rock festival. It was exceedingly difficult seeing as I didn’t speak the lingo and I’d left my black skinny jeans in with my whites, thus bleaching them. So for meta-analysis? How does one succeed at posing at posing?! – Concerned Hipster (from San Francisco, CA)

First of all bleached skinny jeans is very “in” with the “hipsters” aka “indie” crowd. Why are they in, Katnawlins? Thanks for asking-ish. They’re IN because they’re IRONIC, and they’re ironic because they are dated. Have you ever seen a young gentlefellow (i.e. early to mid-35) with a crazy “evil mustache” on his face that he grew himself? This here man is probably a hipster, and when I say probably I mean YES, HE IS A HIPSTER! I’ve included pictures to make you understand what I’m saying, world. But back to “Concerned Hipster” you see you were FITTING IN. You were. That’s the thing. Look weird and awkward, which I’m sure you are both, and you’ve got it!

Which one is a hipster?

Who do I like more? Let's put it that way.

weekends come and weekends go…

I hope y’all (the world) had a fabulous weekend! I know I did. I’d love to hear all about y’alls weekend, too (in the comments, but write it in the smallest of print and the simplest of terms, thanks!).

My weekend was very eventful! As I said in my previous post my sister came to visit (the middle, less-manger-one, remember?). A couple of her friends and my friend/roommate and I all went out last night into the underbelly of Los Angeles. Well, Katnawlins, that was mis-leading because Hollywood is not the “underbelly,” but it does have some of the most annoying people in it at night (a lot of LA neighborhoods do actually- like these folks).

There we were in Hollywood intermingled with the America’s most starving for attention people for that moment in time. We go to a bar/lounge around midnight, and order our drinks. We find a place to sit the (five of of us), and not too long after a quite large man runs over to us, and is like “YOU WANNA HEAR THE BEST PICK UP LINE EVER! EVER?” and then runs away. We kind of did want to hear it because why not. He returns five minutes later to shout the same thing, and again we do kind of wanna hear it. (we also wondered if he was too drunk to know he had already awkwardly yelled that us). After the second time he ran over, the girl, woman in his party of three runs over, and is “SORRY ABOUT HIM!” We said it’s okay, and then she inquired how five of us were so pretty and hot, and that there wasn’t even one ugly girl among us. Then she pointed out the third dude in their party, who happens to be the pick up line’s dude twin brother, so he looked like this. She looked as if she were to go away, but instead she blurted out, “Tell me why we’ve been together for 10 YEARS, and we’re not married!” I should also mention she told us how she’d been in a Prince video (15-20 years ago), and was almost chosen to be a Laker girl (again probably 16 years ago).

Somehow the twin brother came back yelling that the pick up line was “WANNA DO SOME COCAINE……. IN THE BATHROOM?” This was ironic cause earlier in the evening, I told my friend/roommate she couldn’t consider herself living in LA till someone offered her cocaine (a good laugh of irony was had by all at the table much to the confusion from the drunk twin). Now what happened next is confusing… it seems he thought we were at a bachelorette party. Not to disappoint I moved my finger off my middle finger and onto my “wedding finger,” and we acted like I was getting married to a gent named Doug, my sister was my maid of honor and we kept on yelling “You’re Getting Married, awwwwwww!!!” He tried to kiss my hand where my “engagement” ring was (which looked nothing like one). The woman also desperately wanted my friend to ask her boyfriend why they weren’t married. Trobs.

The weirdness continued, my sister and her friends had gone to the bathroom and overheard some strange talk of “Bump Its,” which is a device you put in your hair to make it look Sarah Palin, or like this. BUT then perhaps the most ignorant thing happened. They saw a conversation so disgusting unfold that I’ll try to recreate it here for you

Asian Girl: ewwww I have pepper stuck in my teeth!

Blonde Friend: No Big deal, girl you Asian (plucks a string of hair out of her friend’s hair, and hands it to her) Here’s some floss girl!

And the asian girl in fact flossed with her own hair. Racism and hygiene together.

This whole ordeal is nothing compared to fun/nausea/crazyness that laid in store for us at Kitchen 24 (a 24-hour “swanky” diner in Hollywood). Before this evening my most fondest memory of the Kitchen was when one of my best friends from college threw up in the bathroom post-21st b-day and then took a dump in front of me (it all went in the toilet, thank you!). Tonight was much better… because CHRIS BROWN was there. Y’all remember him, right? He beat up Rhianna and left some teeth marks on her in case we didn’t think him slamming her face against the car was enough. This is what he did to her if you forgot, world.

Don't let my sister give you the stank eye because you'll probably get over it QUICK

I interviewed my middle sister about this crazy ordeal with Chris Brown. Oh also this is what she looked like… so I’d like you to see this during the interview when she answers my hard-hitting questions.

She looked at him thrice!

Question 1: What were you thinking when you saw Chris Brown?

Answer: At first I didn’t know what was happening because I was drunk, but then Alex (her friend) said, “Hey, that’s Chris Brown!” for the third time and I thought: wow, he’s disdainful towards women. I should stare at him to convey disdain back!

Question 2: Tell me about the way he reacted to the disdain?

Answer: Well, he looked at me for a brief moment perpelexed and then he turned back to the girl sitting next to him. She was very normal looking (not as hot as Rihanna!) That’s for sure. I wonder in my drunkness if my mean face looked like my goofy face.

Question 3: After we left the establishment what did you do next?

Answer: Well, I’m glad you asked that question, Sister. Hard hitting journalism! I reprimanded a short man for being named Andre (like the cheap champagne, people), got into my friend’s car and proceeded to yell out of the car window that Chris Brown was at E-24 (note she didn’t say the correct establishment for awhile) and that everyone should go there and beat him up!

Question 4: Any additional thoughts?

Answer: Yay! I’d like to add: if you’re 16 and at the In-Out-Burger on a Saturday Night, maybe wear shorts under your dress for the dance party!

After we yelled to much of Hollywood (post 2AM) where Chris Brown could be found we went to In-and-Out Burger (a California fast food chain), and while chilling in the drive-thru line Elle overheard some white people talking about how their friend looks like “Slim-Shady,” to which she rolled down the window and yelled at them, “ALL WHITE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME!” And that is how you end the night, right!

Side Notes: SAINTS made the giants look like kindergartners. 48-27 (and it wasn’t even that close). It was a great game. Every time the Saints made a touch down my sister and I ran Victory Laps around the living room.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Where do bird babies come from? – Nidhi (Mumbai, India)

Hi Nidhi! I love that I have fans in India (and in London). I’m sort of upset that your education in India has failed you about basic biology, so I’m going to fail you, too. “Bird Babies” (which is that the right term?) come from Storks, well some do if they are baby Storks. Thanks, keep reading.

2. I love the art you do. But I don’t have much money. You have anything under $10? – Lou (from Tipaloo, KS)

Great question, Lou! Thanks. I do in fact sell pieces for under 10. Like check out this note-card set for only $5.00. You get three orginial pieces for only 5.00 dollars.