I wouldn’t have it any other way

“So I drifted down to New Orleans / Where I happened to be employed / Workin’ for a while on a fishin’ boat / Right outside of Delacroix” — Bob Dylan, Tangled Blue

Today is the SUPER BOWL, and there is just no way it will be as GLORIOUS as SUPER BOWL 44 was last year (unless you are a packers or steelers fan, but like… why?) I’m not that upset about it because the beautiful & painful thing about time is that what happened can’t be taken back (unless you were bribed in college and have to give your Heisman Trophy back). With that said I do wish I was watching the #SAINTS TWO DAT (repeat SB championship victories back to the back), but alas they were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. There’s always NEXT YEAR (a phrase Saints fans know all too well).

HEY! I’m also back here writing to y’all, so if that ain’t good news than what is, right? Let’s just go ahead and make this post SUPER BOWL 45 related (I’ll make an ill-advised prediction at the bottom of this post).

To be fair I’m not going to talk so much about STEELERS vs PACKERS because I love football, but y’all didn’t come here to read a write up about great tackling ability of the Steeler D or the arm of Aaron Rodgers. You came here to listen to me whine (no, that’s not why? my bad). And I’m going to whine about something football lovers and non-football people can relate to.

 

I couldn't find a single AMERICAN FOOTBALL with a CHIMP. deal with it, I haven't!

I DETEST WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY WATCH THE SUPER BOWL FOR THE COMMERCIALS!

There I said it! I’ve been holding that in way too long, y’all. Now why do I find this soooo problematic, you ask? It’s one thing if you love football or shared community experiences that the Super Bowl has heaps of both. But when you’re hosting a SUPER BOWL PARTY not to watch football, but to watch the commercials something is seriously wrong with you. I GET that new commercials premiere during the Super Bowl (smart one, advertisers & devil), but PEOPLE if you ever watch a television for the rest of the year or know what hulu/youtube are you’re going to see these commercials 100 more times before the next SUPER BOWL. So, to have a party just to watch these commercials, well you’ve been DUPED! It’s like buying a tee-shirt with NIKE on it, and that’s all. You’ve JUST paid for the right to advertise for NIKE for free!

Also when people say they just watch the “Super Bowl for the commercials” it’s pretentious like American football is below them, and somehow watching multi-million dollar companies shovel their brand of shit down our throats is more sophisticated then watching a game of chess. If you don’t like football that’s fine. I don’t like golf, but I don’t say I watch the PGA Tour for the hats. I just don’t watch/follow it. Simple.

Soooo, if you’re one of those who say “I just watch the Super Bowl for the commercials” then I have to ask do you also know the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes?

OKAY ENOUGH OF THE WHINING! ON TO THE…..

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"Houses in a Row (Set of Katnawlins Greeting Cards)"

Hey! I’ve started selling card sets of my work. Right now at KATNAWLINS SHOP. I have two card sets: “Houses in a Row” (above) & “Animal Crackers,” and you can get each card in these two sets individually as well. Check out the CARD SECTION at my shop!

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. glad ur back. is this you? (image below) – caroline (from springfield, ma)

Is this me, or just the most amazing ape ever?

Thank you, and thanks for including this picture in your question. Unfortunately, that isn’t me. I wish I had a 10th of the skill of that ape, but one day, maybe? If you added a dog in there that could be my father’s typical Wednesday morning!

2. I’m really enjoying the new quotes using NEW ORLEANS at the head of the posts. I enjoy them more than the monkey business because I feel like you’re better than that tired joke. But to combine your love for chimps & new orleans i’ve included a pic of the two! (image below) – stan (from furd, ny)

Who is this little boy? Why did you give this picture to me? That chimp is working the outfit. FIERCE!

Wow thanks?

 

My prediction for SUPER BOWL 45 (and don’t hold me to this) GREEN BAY 24 – PITTSBURGH 17. There you have it!

It’s been diffic

BRING EM TO THE DOME

“We used to say ‘Who dat’ since way back when / Now we’re saying ‘We dat’ every time we win / You can write it down, take a picture, tell a friend / We already done it. We’re gonna do it again” — Rebirth Brass Band

I’m all kinds of happy. I’m sitting here with a sore throat, but with a glow of happiness from last night’s tight game between the NEW ORLEANS #SAINTS against our biggest foes the dirty birds (aka the atlanta falcons). We’re battling it for NFC and NFC South supremacy.

I’ll keep the SAINTS talk to a minimum since I know some of my readers don’t like/care about football. Let’s put it this way. Last nights game took some of the dirty birds swagger away, and nothing bad about that, y’all.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the holidays. Mine have been very nice and chill (too many times i’ve been hungover, but that is what NEW ORLEANS is for I guess.

Happy Holidays! Imagine that this amazing SANTA APE is singing, "All I Want for Christmas is for the SAINTS to go the Superbowl"

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. my favorite thing about your blog are not your words or your humor (cause neither make much sense). what keeps me coming back for more are the pics of monkeys you find. keep em coming! – cici  (from tonka, NJ)

That’s a weird compliment mixed with not so nice things. I’m with you on the monkey/ape pics. I love them clearly. I spent hours of my life trolling the internet looking for these pictures. HOURS! Here is a new cute one I’d say.

I'm trying to figure it out, too

This chimp is wiser than us all. He can write with BOTH HANDS! BOTH! Amazing!

2. yyyyyyyooo mami! I LOVE your new layout. Looks great. Really enjoy the new banner. – Darren (from San Diego, CA)

Thank you, Darren. This might just be one of the nicest things said to me of all things said to me on my blog.

3. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON THIS PIC BELOW. NO IDEA! NONE! HELP! – Bea (from Philadelphia, PA)

Everyone Deserves to be Loved

I see how you may be confused by this picture, but luckily I’m an expert in chimp picture behavior. First look this picture seems very cute/sweet, and even romantic because it’s in black and white. However, if you are truly paying attention you notice that one chimp is in fact tying the other chimp up in a sexually suggestive way. I think there is true love and respect here, but I also think there is high kink here, too. They really are just like us!

That’s all for today y’all! WHO DAT SAY THEY GONNA BEAT DEM SAINTS… can’t wait for the playoffs. TWO DAT! I’ll be in the SUPERDOME for the last game of the regular season on January 2nd! I’ll be drunk probs, but also excited to see my boos!

all that glitters is gold

“Way down yonder in NEW ORLEANS . In the land of dreamy scenes. There’s a garden of Eden. You know what I mean.” — Louis Armstrong

Is everyone excited for the holidays? If we’re being real and inclusive then the holidays really already started December 1st was the first day of JEWISH 8 DAYS OF OIL HOLIDAY (it’s famous).

I’ll be in NEW ORLEANS for the holidays as usual. Last year the family went to London to celebrate my parents 25th-anniversary-of-not-killing-each-other-while-living-on-the-under-the-same-roof. It was cold and dreary (thanks ENGLAND). And we missed the annual FAMILY LAST NAME tradition (going strong after three years, The Annual Christmas Eve Party at the FAMILY LAST NAME, which consists of my mom inviting 3 people + family and having tons of party food and a random ham my Nana thinks needs to be there. My sisters and i just look embarrassed at the lack of guests.

This year my middle sister and I are going to wear festive holiday sweaters to keep up us warm and entertained for five minutes. I purchased “classy” versus “classic” holiday sweaters at a LOS ANGELES thrift store on Melrose (they had tons at AMERICAN VINTAGE). Look for an example below:

"CLASSIC TACKY HOLIDAY SWEATER"

"CLASSY HOLIDAY SWEATER"

Do you see what I mean now? these are two very different kinds of sweaters, and I’d be very offended if someone thought the one on the right was the same as the one on the left.  how did i get these words here?

Now that we’ve got that cleared up (thankfully) on to more important & pressing needs.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"I HEART NOLA Shotgun (one of a kind)"

“I HEART NOLA SHOTGUN (one of a kind)” can be purchased at my ETSY SHOP. This colored pencil drawing is just one of many new items in my shop. I have new paintings and holiday ornaments like the ones below!

"SAINTS Holiday Ornament (one of a kind)" & "NOLA Orange Ornament (one of a kind)"

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. have you been able to find any great chimps in a holiday sweater for the season? Cause I can’t find a single one!!! NOT ONE – Lex (from Newport, MA)

It’s been difficult. Very trying actually! TACKY HOLIDAY SWEATERS = hilarious & CHIMPS DOING ANYTHING = hilarious, so you’d think that sweaters + chimps = GOLDMINE. I know, I know. These two pics were the closest I came to finding our dream pictures!

Puppet Monkeys Dressed for the Season - this is disappointing

Imagine that this adorable little chimp had a holiday element to it. maybe those white dots are SNOW!!

I couldn't resist! It is a GREEN sweater/hoodie with a dogggggy!

2. KATNAWLINS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LITTLE DOGS DRESSED UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS? – Vince (from Jakarta, Indonesia)

I think it’s cute. More cute than I should because I also think it looks absolutely stupid. I totally understand from a place of warmth. If you have a dog that has hair instead of fur (i.e. poodles, schnoodles, cockapoos (anything with poodle in it basically) then to keep this animal warm in cold climates something like a doggy sweater or coat is good.

How cute I find the picture is determined by how awesome the dog feels in said picture.

Exhibit A: This schnoodle LOVES their sweater & their owner. Couldn't be more stylish if it tried!

Exhibit B: This pug hates his life & loves his owner (cause all dogs love their owners unless the last name is VICK).

You can also be impressed that both pictures involve HOLIDAY SWEATERS (and one is an example of classy and the other an example of tacky).

3. How about dem boys? You think we gonna two dat? – Flex (from Alexandria, LA)

I would loooooovvvvvvvvveeeee to play the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, and BEAT EM!! How awesome would that be if we could beat Manning and Brady in back to back Super Bowls. It’d say a lot about us and for Drew Brees!

So, yes I think we can definitely TWO DAT (for those not a SAINTS fan it just means WIN THE SUPERBOWL). In order to make our lives easier it’d be great to get no. 1 seed in the NFC playoffs, but that will be hard with the dirty birds playing so competently. I do think we can beat them in the Georgiadome. We’re much better than we were when we first played them back in week 3. It’s going to be tough, but we’ve been done this road before and have been VICTORIOUS!

That’s it for now, y’all. HAVE A FABULOUS HOLIDAY, and I’ll see you in 2011 (damn this place is getting mad old!!).

Extraordinary histories, ordinary histories, ordinary histories

“Way down yonder in New Orleans/In the land of dreamy scenes/There’s a garden of Eden/You know what I mean.” — Louis Armstrong

So, yesterday my NEW ORLEANS SAINTS took a real unexpected beating from the cleveland browns (1-4, now 2-4). The browns were thirteen point underdogs. It was a very tough game to watch. We played with little to no urgency, and just real sloppy. I can’t blame defense who actually played very well. But the offense again was just really not on point (I guess “Super Bowl Hangover” is a real thing).

OKAY OKAY OKAY. What the hell. GUYS, I have an amazing video to show you. It’s sooooo weird (and blessedly short). It features my beloved CHIMP + DOG loves in one place with moving picture and sound. This very strange, and so with no further ado I give you:

I  know… weird, right? Epically strange yet you smiled, right? A real genuine, I GET IT SMILE. Right? Then you immediately regretted smiling because that chimp is an ass hole.  I’m not going to tell you all the weird reasons why I had that video in my knowledge bank (aka brain). That’s highly classified information, but it was there, and it was AWESOME.

What else do I have to share with y’all? I’m tired. Can’t  you tell by how lazily this post has been written? If I’m going to try to write in her at least twice a week then you have to give me a break. WHAT? MY POSTS WEREN’T THAT GREAT TO BEGIN WITH? Wow, okay! I try, guys. I can’t poop gems every time I sit in front of my computer (that’s okay, I don’t think ANYONE wants that for you or those sitting around you and your computer). Also to be fair to everyone involved with this. I don’t think you want me writing long ass posts every time either. Who has the time to read them much less write these, babies? That’s what I thought.

SELF PROMOTION TIZZY

"I HEART St. Louis Cathedral (One of a Kind Painting)"

This painting is an homage to one of the most famous landmarks in NEW ORLEANS, LA. St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter. My parents were married in this here landmark back in January 1985. It’s pretty, right? The actual cathedral, not my painting. Y’all, I’m not that vain.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION: Where Y’all get to ask me questions!

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. You never talk about the acting thing on here anymore? remember that long boring auditioning post you made almost a year ago? cause i do. that thing was whack! – willy (from Zeppelin, SD).

You know what’s whack? South Dakota, BOOOYYYYAAAAHHHHH. You walked right into that one, Willy. Sorry. I’m still doing the acting thing, but mostly through my various improv endeavors. I’m still currently studying the Harold (a long-form version of improv that is sucking all my brain juices).  I am also performing in a show with some people in North Hollywood on November 2nd. Doing the audition thing and what not. I’ll keep y’all posted when I become famous of course the irony being is that I’ll be too famous for this blog. I’ll be WAY TOO BIG. Oh, the little people, I’ll always forget you (hahahahhahahahahhaha).

2. I’m a big dog lover! And I love that you are, too. Tell me what is your favorite breed? Mine are Poodles. – Lavender (from Frankford, CT)

YAY I love that some of my readers love dogs just as much as I do. That is a difficult question. Maybe one of the most difficult questions a normal-every day-regular person can be asked. But I’ll get it a whirl. Just because to make this easy for everyone (and really just myself). I’ll say golden retrievers are my favorite breed. But I love most dogs and I love muts a lot, too. But since I was a kid I always wanted a golden retriever. Then in my junior year of high school my parents got me on for my Christmas present (every five year old’s favorite xmas gift). Her name is Kara, and she still lives with my family in New Orleans with three other canine pals including her boyfriend, Buckley.

Here Kara is with her boyfriend, Buckley (the large white doggy) and her bestfriend and sister, Heidi (the little schnoodle in the background)

3. What are you doing for Halloween? – Nelly (from Jacksonville, FL)

I am watching the SAINTS hopefully pummel the pittsburgh steelers on my television set with my youngest sister (aka the manager) when she visits me in Los Angeles this coming weekend. I know you’re mad jealous of my Halloween plans. Guess what they can be yours, too (if you own a television or the desire).

That’s all for today, y’all. Keep it up! WHO DAT!

Happy New Year, and other things we stop saying after feb. 1st

SAINTS WORLD CHAMPIONS.. WHO DAT, WHO DAT SAY THEY GONNA BEAT THEM SAINTS... UMM NO ONE ACTUALLY. WE DAT

Happy 2010, y’all. It was a long time a coming since as everyone knows that 2009 historically sucked in so many ways that I can’t even count them (that’s how bad 2009 was I lost the ability to count).

Asides aside, I hope everyone had a great winter-holiday time, and even more fabulous New Years Eve and Day. I haven’t written on here in a real minute because I was across the world in a far away country called London, England. It’s a tiny set of islands in case geography failed you like it’s failed me. Then some time in New Orleans where I really never found the time to write on here.

My Middle Sister took this Picture as My Mother Looked for an ATM

So, now I’m back in Los Angeles doing what I do most of the time sitting behind a desk answering phone calls for other people’s lives aka an assistant. I know y’all are so jealous. Don’t worry I am also doodling up a storm as I sit behind this desk.

Now to the best part of this post! THE SAINTS not only beat the Cardinals, the Vikings, but they went to the SUPER BOWL and won the WHOLE DAMN THING! For reals. I actually was in NOLA last week for the Super Bowl and for LOMBARDI GRAS (the SAINTS Super Bowl parade) Shit was intense.

DIE-HARD FAN PORTION WHERE Y’ALL GET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS

You can e-mail me or leave questions for me to answer in the comment section. I love to answer questions- a favorite pass time for me.

1. Where have you been?

I think I just explained all of that.